a pieced and quilted life

My struggle with blogging lately has had me confused

or should I say questioning if and how I am balancing my life correctly.

Before I go too much further, I need to start off by saying I've decided to keep quejimenez, the blog. It is who I am and represents the changes I've undergone through the last 4-5 years. I've decided I'm not ready to let that go and start fresh. 

I haven't blogged lately because of a number of reasons. The first is just I've been incredibly busy. I mean crazy busy. What were me and E thinking when we both decided to go back to school, at the same time, while homeschooling the kids? What were we thinking? 

I have to share with you all this has been such a trying time for us. Not in a negative way, but in a "how are we going to get through this week" way. There is just so much to do and manage. E often has homework that requires so much of his attention and time. He has pulled countless all-nighters, and I have for the most part stayed up with him, trying to keep him on schedule. Insane!

I'm not an all-nighter-puller. It's just not my stilo. I prefer to work continuously on my work throughout the week, often times multi-tasking on my work and the kids work at the same time. Me and homework are never far from eachother. My workload has also been insane. I have papers, and papers, and projects, and reading due constantly. It is a constant infusion of work to do. But I have maintained.

A lot of people ask how do we do it...and I'm going to say it simply: prioritize. For every one thing that we accomplish, there are at least three things that we don't. But beyond that we prioritize. I miss hanging out with my friends at the gallery, going to art walks, and such but the reality of my life is that that is not a priority. I want to quilt, my to-quilt list is growing by the second, but the reality of my life is that too is not a priority. I have wanted to bake and fry homemade donuts for about 2 (maybe 3) months now. I even bought donut pans and a specialty donut book. But again, the reality of my life is that I don't have time for that now either. And you wanna know something else terrible? My garden looks horrendous. I have not stepped foot into it since...thinking...sometime in July I'm guessing. Yeap, I have been that busy.

I'm so saddened by the things I've had to let go that I've tried to find ways into tricking myself into thinking its okay. I don't look out my window into my garden anymore, because then I don't have to acknowledge it, for instance.

But, let's switch focus here. This is not a sad post. As much as letting go of some things may be painful, the gaining of others and the growth I've undergone is nothing short amazing, wonderful, and inspiring. My life has so much definition and purpose now. I truly know who I am, or should I say am discovering who I am.

There was a time when I would worry about what the next year, or the next months would bring. Now? I know wholeheartedly it is in God's hands. No worries. None. I know that I am on the correct path and trust that I will be lead to what my purpose is. That is such a feeling of freedom and living.

Okay so now here's all the fun exciting stuff...here's where I share what has happened, and what I am doing:

1. Maintained my 4.0 gpa!

2. Wrote my first pantoum, and sonnet. Loved writing the pantoum, dreaded and painfully wrote the sonnet. Metered writing is not for me.

3. Got a job! I am now an English/Writing tutor at my Uni.

4. Celebrated my lil guy turning 7 years old!

5. Bought myself a special "gadget" to help with school. Can anyone guess what? E calls me a techie geek. Here's another hint, it was a reward for maintaining that 4.0, we both felt I "deserved" it.

6. Read Hamlet, The Tempest, 1 King Henry IV, Merchant of Venice, Midsummer's Night Dream, and memorized and performed one of Shakespeare's sonnets (#39). And for the record, despite getting an A in the class...it was for the most part torture. I can appreciate Shakespeare, but I can't say I enjoy reading it.

7. Made friends in my major.

8. Pieced a few quilt tops. 

9. Started making beds for the kids with E. Which we are far from completing.

10. Redecorated my living/formal dining room with virtually no money.

11. Bought a new pair of cowboy boots.

12. Slipped and fell in those new pair of boots which cause a number of purple brusises along my legs and knees.

13. Treated myself to some new clothes for "work." All bought either on sale at Anthro, Lands End Canvas, or JCrew or regular price at H&M, Forever 21. Which I should also add I just discovered Lands End Canvas. Love it, check it out. (It feels good to have something to dress up for now. It's been years since I've had to think about work attire.)

14. Had twin additions to my family, girl and boy. (The best two little things by far!) They are still in the hospital getting strong, but I have to say they are the most beautiful little things I've seen since my kids, and other nieces and nephews were born.

15. Learned about Linguistics (phonology, morphology, semantcs, syntax, and pragmatics). This class I'm still in. It is very interesting and of course, like everything else these days, changing the way I look at writing, literature, and language.

16. Gotten a scholarship! Yeap, I cried.

17. Rediscovered pickled beets. Yeah, I said pickled beets.

18. Rediscovered sentence diagramming. Post coming soon.

19. Started a new homeschooling year of two very bright kids. 

20. Bought my son a skateboard and learning how to ride it with him. Pointers appreciated.

Okay, so I think that is about all. At least that I can think of at this point. Since I've decided to keep this blog I've got to rework it yet again. So changes soon I suspect. Or as soon as I have the time to get around to it. 

In the meantime, live and love!

-Ki

 

 

quilt.write.think.grow.

3 quilts that surrounded me as i wrote my research paper. this was taken during the writing of the first draft. a saturday afternoon.

i know it's not quite right of me to have a blog that i effectively seem to ignore. truth is days run forward, marching like ants carrying crumbs to a hole in a wall. each day steady and in line, obedient, moving forward not minding nothing but the destination of night.

(summer heat makes me think of ants)

each day is so steady filled with work, things, children, school, something to keep me moving forward. i think there was a time when i could hold multiple things in my mind, juggle thoughts on top of thoughts, on top of actions, on top of everything else life manages to create. but that isn't so these days. 

i've let go of minute things, grand things, fancy things, festering things and have managed to just let myself be concerned with the things that need taking care of today. 

gratitude prayer. kids. me. edward. kids eat. school work. me eat. e's school work. the twin's coming. the twin's mama. kids eat. kids bored. school work. e's school work. everybody eat. school work. the twin's coming. the twin's mama. mama. brother. sister. school work. e's schoolwork. the twin's coming. kids. kids eat. schoolwork. art class? schoolwork. kids ride bikes? schoolwork. kids make crafts? schoolwork. kids learn times tables? schoolwork. kids eat again? schoolwork. hi mama. schoolwork. e's school work. schoolwork. the twin's mama. schoolwork. knit the twins hats? schoolwork. hi nina. schoolwork. mama... tio mykey's calling. schoolwork. sleep.

that is the constant train of thoughts running through my head. a complete, and constant loop.

did you read closely? yeap..twins are coming in the family. boy and girl...and oooh the things i want to make for them. 

but did you catch my non subtle drift? schoolwork. yeap. constant loop, everything is ordered in some way or another around schoolwork. 

candied maple leaf quilt, jersey fabric. pieced this the last week of june after finishing the big paper.

gee's bend quilt kit i pieced the last week of june, it was to celebrate the paper i had just finished.

as with the last blog...so much has happened since the last time i've set fingernails to keyboard:

1. kid's got bikes.

2. wrote a 20 page paper on african american women writers and quilters.

3. found a church home. yay mag.!

4. read two shakespeare plays.

5. e finished 2 classes. starting 3rd.

6. finished four classes. in fifth and sixth. both of which are finally major (english) classes.

7. sewed 2 quilt tops together.

8. taught my first class at ucr extension. 

9. wrote my first prose poetry piece.

10. made homemade blackberry barbecue sauce.

11. made my first macaroni salad.

12. thought about the day granma died, tried writing about it. cried but eeked out some words.

13. cleaned out half of the garage.

14. hung cheap curtains in the front room and the kid's room so that the only dirty, white, mini blinds left in the house is in me and e's room. small victory.

15. finally replace the broken t.v. me and e have been watching for the past year and the half with the top of people's head cut off. 

16. made a chicken salad that almost made me gag, but the kid's and e liked.

17. ate about 8 cantaloupes, and about 15 lbs. of green grapes with the kid's help. 

18. learned to like, maybe even love fresh blueberries.

19. have my mama tell me we are a match made in heaven because i love to write and she loves to read.

20. ate sun-warmed blackberries from the backyard that made my knees buckle.

21. made a peach cobbler.

22. start reading bird by bird again. along with poemcrazy (first time).

23. attend my niece's quinceria (I know spelling is off but i'm being lazy..), meet my brother's cute dog einstein who scared the gas out of me, to which i went upstairs to keep company with his girlfriend.

24. bought the kids water colors, made them make a color wheel by mixing their own colors, and then set them free to paint as they wished.

25. kid's spent a day with abuelita while i taught class mentioned in #8, which was more a huge accomplishment for me than them.

i know i'm leaving something out. but i had to draw the line and stop somewhere. the point is that so much happens, so many little things that i want to find ways to capture but I just don't always have time. one day they are big things, the next day they are minuscule in comparison to the current day.

i also don't travel with my camera anymore. that really effects my blogging. i just don't have the time and patience to carry and compose shots outside of my iphone most days.

the bad thing with all of this is that i sit here to write and everything comes pouring out at once. i want to say so much.

like that i'm taking a shakespeare and creative writing class right now. and how reading shakespeare feels like walking on a beach with flip flops. each step takes muscle, but you know you are surrounded by something to be revered so you step on...hot sand and all.

like how i had a huge, breakthrough in a story this morning. and how i'm so excited that i had to just write something to keep me from eating cheap lemon sandwich cookies and cold cantaloupe slices. and how the story is coming to me in bits and pieces, snatches of dialogue, images of streets and people walking, carrying on with their business while life dances around them in a tight jig. 

like how i finally know. writing is the definitive me. and how i hear dialogue and see characters walking around me, living their lives or how at times they pester me tapping me on my arm saying "i'm ready to tell you that little bit now" when i'm in line at the grocery store or the boy, girl and me are playing sequence, or i'm in shakespeare class drawing conclusions about old england.

like how amazed i am with my children and how patient and kind they have been to me and e as we have had to commit so much of our (family) time to homework. and how going to church has been something they love and look forward to. and how they have become a part of our school life. i read shakespeare to them when they are bored now, they like the sonnets more than the plays.

like how me and e faked like we had "furniture shopping" money and went to a few local furniture stores with the kids window shopping. and how we haven't had new couches since we bought our first place in 1999, a condo...and then bought a house in 2000 to which we added a couch and even then we could only afford ikea. so that our "furniture" (if you can call it that) is old, raggedy, slightly embarrassing and worn with kid stains and marks. and how now we feel sort of grown up because we hung curtains and put our feet down and told the kids "no more toys in the living/dinning room." but truth is we can only do so much on so little of a budget, so patience reigns.

like how i think we have finally settled into a rhythm with both me and e being in school though he still waits to the last week to write his papers which means i get stressed out along with him and pull all-nighters along with him. and how though we got it now, on 8/15 the kids will be starting school and things will be disrupted all over again as i try and balance homeschooling with meschooling and eschooling and what ever things life seem fit to throw our way.

one of the mini quilts I'll be teaching how to make in this weekend's class.

there's a lot of living going on in my life. a lot of excitement. a lot of easing up of tension, doubt, worry and just moving with a sense of faith and trust. 

i don't know how i'm going to get where i need to go in this life. i just figure i'll write, quilt, bake and garden till i get there. see what comes. see what images pop and strike my fancy while the train moves. see what stories scream the loudest to be told and what pictures demand to be made and hung on my walls.

hope this finds you well.

the happy ki

p.s. all pictures taken on iphone. not bad, eh?

I haven't blogged because...

 

i have 38 books on my night stand. five are for my Christian life class (including study and regular Bible), the other 33 are for my research paper on african american women authors (that's a very loose explanation, it is actually very much deeper than that). the work is long and tedious, but also enriching, engaging, and deeply informative.

i am finding my voice and my way amongst black feminist, though i'm not sure i am one of them, but oh there is so much to learn from that talented group of women. and it should be noted, i'm not sure i am not one of them. i'm not sure i know what a feminist is, and i also don't like the idea of a "fighting" principle, i prefer a peaceful one. (not that feminist are fighters and not peaceful...this just points to my admitted ignorance of the term/classification.) i am for equal rights for every soul, but i am becoming more acutely aware of the specific plight of women, particularly minority and "third world" women.

either way, i am deeply engrossed in learning about african american women authors/artist. i am sure i am one of them. i hesitated and stuttered to focus so narrowly on african american women authors, but i was encouraged by two very wise professors that i must. 

my heart, mind, and spirit are full. i hope one day to be able to fully share what i am doing. but for now, the work load of my life is too demanding. my children need me. my husband needs me. my mother, sister, brother, and grandfather needs me. my garden needs me. and my research and studies need me. and, of course i need myself. so i am whole-heartedly giving myself over to these things as best as i can.

luv, ki

*blogging from iPhone, sorry for the wonky format/post.

 

the first encore.

of my life.

a week or two ago i came across something on she writes about encores. i read the e-mail quickly, and then got back to my lessons believing that the article was not one-hundred percent connected to or concerned with my life.

well, my mother called me later that day (or it could of been later that week - my days are a blur) and as she started to tell me about the changes her life is going through (good), i passed on what i had read earlier...that she was experiencing an encore in her life. i encouraged her to live it to the fullest, to dream wide big fat dreams and to do any and everything that would bring her peace and fulfillment. 

end of story. i thought.

i'm not sure if many of you know, but i'm attending a Christian-centered university. a part of my education is a couple of classes that center on a greater understanding of Christianity. the first was overview of the Bible, and this semester I am taking the Christian life. after this class, there will be no more that i have to take, however, i believe there will be more i want to take. (if i was a traditional student at my university i'd have to go to chapel daily (mon.-fri.), but since i am classified as an adult student (different program) my Christian fulfillment is met with two (very good) classes.)

anyway, in my current Christian studies class we're reading a book (which i love and recommend) called knowing God. and as i'm sitting here and reading it a thought occurs to me:

this is my first encore.

i don't think it was anything that i read particularly, but the overall change i've noticed in my life during these past three months re-dawned on me. i'm sure i've said it here before, in previous posts, but it needs repeating: i am not the same woman. not by far.

as i was reading and taking notes, i sort of looked back at myself and thought. this is not my life of 2009. nor 2007. nor 2005. nor 2003. i realized that i am on a new trail.

it is like my life is a journey through nature, and now i am encountering another terrain. as if before i was in the rainforest and now i'm going through the wide open plains or grasslands. nothing before, nothing after is neither bad nor good, but exists in its own respects, a life of its own.

i looked up encore in my handy dandy dictionary (not notebook) :)

encore - n. 1. a demand by an audience for an additional performance. 2. an additional performance in response to such a demand.

not bad, but i thought i'd change some words. here's my definition:

encore - n. 1. an encouragement by life for a new journey. 2. a new journey in response to changes in life.

my definition feels more applicable. it feels more understanding, as if through it we can understand and apply the concept of encores to our lives.

why encouragement instead of demand? new instead of additional? journey instead of performance? and changes in life in lieu of response to such a demand?

simple. life encourages us. life and the God of life, the God in our family, the God in nature, the God in the good things we do encourages us to move into new journeys. it happens when we respond to the changes in our lives, not the demands. demand is a negative word and the God in us...the life and God of our life is not negative. Life and the God of our life is shaping and creative, forceful and molding, but also loving and purposeful.

we most continually embrace life's encouragement to begin new journeys. we most respond to the changes in our lives, whatever they may be and set off as explorers, of ourselves, and journey through life's different, varied, and purposeful terrains.

remember: different, varied and purposeful.

i'm sitting here and i'm wondering out loud, and on screen -- what were the changes in my life? what encouraged me?

and it is simple, beautiful, and two-fold:

my granma and my children.

when granma died life ceased to continue as i knew it. it has been the most profound, in good and bad ways, experience my spirit has encountered to date. more profound than loosing my father at five. more profound than birthing my children. more profound than marrying my guardian angel. more profound than my childhood. more profound than anything.

more profound because it was painful and beautiful and inspiring and damning and pushing and uplifting all at once. there was never anything painful about bringing my children into the world. there was never anything beautiful about loosing my father tragically at five. there never anything damning about marrying edward. there was never nothing like that, all at once, in my childhood.

it was the moment and time when definition and purpose of life took up presence in my life.

which leads to my children.

they are the encouragement and the change. i realized i have to give them what granma gave me. what granma gave me personally and what granma gave me through my mother. what granma gave me in inspiration. what granma gave me in sacrifice. what granma gave me in love.

i look at my children and how loving, patient, nurturing and kind they were when i refused to get out of bed, even months after granma was gone and i am encouraged and inspired by their love. they deserve a granma-sized and abled mama who would do big and great things in their lives, by example. they deserve a mama who is strong enough to not only seek out but accomplish her dreams. they deserve a mama who lives up to her potential and does not hold back her gifts.

children do not do what you say, but what you do.

so...this encore is about what granma did for me. for my mother. for our family. her sacrifices. her love. her strength. her courage. her fire. her will to be her no matter who was looking, listening, or watching.

hear me when i say, that's my girl...and that's what i will do for my children. 

from my grandmother, to my mother, to me, to my daughter...out to the world.

so here i am today, smiling and knowing that it is true that granma's spirit lives on in me.

those things she sacrificed -- i will accomplish for her and me.

those things she taught -- i will teach in her name.

those things she embodied -- i will be for her, my children, and me.

granma never hid behind her talents, her strengths, her gifts. and that is what this first encore in my life is about.

sharing my talents, fortifying my strengths, and using my gifts.

we all have talents, strengths, and gifts...it is what makes us uniquely us...but it is up to us to share them, use them, and birth them out and into the world.

where ever you are in your life be like my granma, she would be proud and say to you like she said to me:

"you mark my words, i may be dead and gone but you gone do big thangs. granma knows what she talkin' bout. i may not live to see it, but you mark my words...granma knows what she talkin' bout."

i am marking your words granma.

love, ki

wishes of this full woman

"Learn how the wildflowers of the field grow: they don't labor or spin thread..." 

i never thought it would take me 34 years to fill my skin and suspend my own bones. i inhabit myself now.

i am like granma sitting in a chair with her left calf on top of her right knee, a phone pushed against her ear with a side-cocked head, a moore cigarette in one hand, and the other hand snapping at us kids. that lady's me.

she was a full woman, and now i am too.

wishes of this full woman:

never hate anyone or anything

feel lovingkindness and compassion underneath my skin and eyelids all days

never forget that i'm smart/able/capable

write/create with human-ess, rawness, awareness, truthfulness, and life

learn how to heal myself, and help others learn how to heal themselves *(better to say learn to ask God for healing and teach others to do the same)

actively love my family daily

carry out my purpose with passion and intention

be apart of the cycle of inspiration

smile at the wind...dance with the bees...and sing with the hymns of rain

value my time, energy, and passion

have patience with myself and others

speak easy more times than not

think consciously instead of being an apathetic passenger in life

allow my heart to decorate my sleeves

never shy away from speaking my truth and sharing my life lessons

contribute to the happiness and blessings of others

accept me

continue to do, be, and seek better ways of living 

abandon fear, doubt, and insecurity

learn from nature

move with the flow, speed, and direction of life

cultivate godliness through spiritual discipline

blessings and peace, ki

*excerpt from my personal journal dated 5-12-11

transformations.

it is 1:25 am and i have finally found the time/space to blog.

if you could see me now, you'd see granma's quilt under my legs, edward breathing quietly by my side, and the little lady just walking out after having woken from a bad dream concerning a picasso painting we have hanging downstairs. after telling her frieda kahlo is her dream mama and will scare the picasso lady away...i'm back here typing. smiling.

my life is unfolding in ways i could of never dreamed. i am transforming and becoming a fuller woman. such purpose, intention, passion, and direction has entered my life that i am humbled. though i have more on my plate (by way of homework) i am the least stressed i've been in years. more years than i can recall.

i feel like a kid with an endless summer ahead of me. 

the past nine weeks have been filled with so much learning and expanding of my heart and mind. i finished my first christian studies class (overview of the Bible) and completed english composition. both classes and professors have enriched my life and have made me a better person.

i learned so much last session. in my christian studies class i gained a tremendous understanding of the bible, tremendous. the class surveyed the historical and cultural implications/importance of the Bible and outside of my grandfather, who was my first spiritual teacher/guide, i have never had my faith and spirituality more grounded and strengthened. the class did not focus on doctrine or religion as one would expect, it was a purely historical, and cultural presentation of the Bible. however, that did not stop me from getting a great deal from the class spiritually. i have a fuller understanding of the judeo-christian religion. and i am so grateful.

in my english class i gained a strong understanding of english mechanics. tremendously helpful for someone who loves to write as i do. i do not look at sentences or paragraphs the same anymore. i don't write the same. i am conscientious of sentence structure, punctuation, and grammar now. i know that i haven't mastered mechanics yet, but i am miles ahead of where i was just eight weeks ago. now i can spot when something is wrong, and eight times out of ten i can correct it myself. in the short term i believe my flowery, descriptive, poetic writing style is taking a backseat, but i know it will return once i am more confident and less aware of writing.

my english professor has also opened up a whole new world of literature to me. i don't know if this sounds weird, or like me being a teacher's pet, but she has become a friend. i am so grateful that i was placed in her class. (there are no coincidences or accidents in this world.) she's introduced me to mythology and the concepts of joseph campbell. i never knew mythology was what it is. i've also learned how to conduct research, which i've found i love. love love.

i am in such a great place in my life, everyone/thing in my life seems to be contributing to a better me. including myself.

last semester i earned a 4.0. notice i said earned. i worked hard, studied hard, and worked and studied harder. i had virtually no social life, didn't bake much or cook many meals, and my house has resembled that of a bachelor for the past two months. it's embarrising, but i know it's also temporary as we all continue to adjust to our new lives. yes, that means e has started his mba program. i promise...this is a wild, wild ride.

so what's on my plate this session? i'm taking intermediate composition (with the same great professor), and another christian studies class (sadly the last in my curriculum...i have come to love christian studies and have started entertaining the thought, again, of studying religion. i looked into double majoring last year at ucr in english and religion. i'm interested in studying women in religion at some point down the line).

my english class mainly revolves around a ten page research paper i have to do in my discipline (english/literature). i'm in the throws of writing my thesis statement now and so far it will be:

the purpose and value of oral literature, dialect, folktales and folklore in literature

my purpose is to argue the anthropological nature of these types of writing in literature, particularly focusing on how they preserve history and culture. i will be concentrating my research on three women: zora neale hurston, mary austin, and sandra cisneros. yay for research by and concerning women! the great thing is that through these three women i am covering four different nationalities, so i am staying truly multicultural. so far i've ordered somewhere around 12-14 books and have downloaded about thirty journal articles. i only need ten sources so i have a lot of narrowing to do.

speaking of, i had my first visit to a college library yesterday. exciting and tiring! I was there around four hours! the highlight? getting a 28 year old article off microfilm. i texted nina: i felt all official and researchy...lol. the digital librarian was amazing. he helped me search and learn the system, and gave me two hours of his time. i tell you i belong to a great university.

my other class? the christian life seems great so far. i haven't had the chance to meet the instructor yet, but the books we're reading have been amazing so far. we're reading a book on spiritual discipline, knowing God, what is the gospel, along with the Bible and a study Bible. i have to say the books on spiritual discipline and knowing God have been absolutely amazing. the latter actually brought me to tears. it is that good.

well, so that is what has been infolding in my life. a lot. so much that i downloaded a journal app for my mbp called day one this morning to journal the growth. i wish i had the time and energy to update this blog like a use to, but the reality of my life right now is not making that an option. but, i miss writing and tracking my life. i'm hoping that the short writing/journal entries that i do personally will give me bits and pieces to share here more often. when possible, i will be sharing excerpts from my personal journal.

in other news:

i was in the local paper, read it here.

i was in an all women, fabric show (with new art).

i was commissioned to make a quilt using nothing but care bear stuffed bears (about 50) which came out great. it was a challenging and long project, but i grew tremendously as a fabric artist as a result. 

i will be teaching folk art classes at the university extension this summer.

i have baby zuks and baby tomatoes growing, along with lots of herbs.

i have a resident lizard living in my garden. he's scary and big and loves to sun-bathe in my herbal garden.

the kids are happy and growing. the lil guy is more than half my height. we took down their swing-set and will be replacing it with a tether ball sometime this summer.

i love this guy's music. green lights is my current inspirational song.

the nba finals is ruling my life and tv. i've watched more basketball than any other thing this year. i love the nba. really...it is that exciting.

my life and heart is at peace.

i hope you all are at peaceful times in your life, and i thank you for still being interested in what i have to share.

blessings and peace,

ki

it is now 3:04 am, and e is on his back snoring, no longer breathing softly.

that somebody called me

has it become the norm that my blog is no longer a blog, but a random update of what's going on in my life?

i hope not, but i'm afraid while i continue to adjust to university life it may be the case. there has been many times that i've wanted to come and share, but the amount of work on my plate for me to devour has been an obstacle. (not to mention i'm in the middle of dealing with mother nature and father winter and trying to get my summer vegetable garden established.)

obviously, so much has happened since my last post. i'm now five, going on six weeks into my first session. our semesters are broken up into eight-week chunks so by month's end i will be done with my first two classes. although the classes are only eight weeks long, we cover sixteen weeks of material, which is why we are advised to only take two classes per session. the work/study load is large.

it has truly been something to write about. the differences between going to school as an adult vs. a young adult are astonishing to me. i would like to say that i wish i had this level of maturity as a young adult, but that would not be true. for one, i was mature (maybe too much for my own good) and even beyond that i believe there is value in the experience of being "young and naive." (not dumb.)

as a young woman, i did not know who i was. at all. i knew who i wanted to be (an advantage in those early years), but i did not know who i actually was. there is a difference there. if you would have asked me then i would have told you: i want to be somebody. i wanted to be a somebody, a woman who lived and affected change, thought, ideas in the world. i did not want to be a woman who lived life on the sidelines. no, not me. i wanted both of my feet firmly planted in the center of life.

so here i am. 34 years young and knowing who that somebody called me is.

i have learned so much these past five weeks. i am not the same woman. everything about me has changed. the way i see myself. my understanding of my strengths. my religious faith and understanding. my understanding of my life purpose. my organization and time management skills. my love for my family. my sense of gratitude and appreciation for life. it literally goes on and on.

i am maintaining an a+ in both of my classes. i have consistently earned perfect scores in my overview of the bible class (which is very difficult and requires a tremendous amount of studying the history and theological movements and developments of the bible) and i have also consistently written perfect essays in my composition class. (this week i have agreed to help tutor a few of my fellow students write their papers.)

my english comp. teacher has already talked to me about pursuing a master's in english and has told me that i would be perfect for the program. she also told me that i am a gifted writer with a very bright future ahead of me. i cannot begin to explain how much that meant to me. it was completely unsolicited and throughly needed.

deciding to go back to school, assume the financial debt, and take the energy and time away from my family while i pursue my education was difficult. the last thing i wanted to be as a mother is selfish. however, the feedback from my instructor confirmed that i had made the right decision and am on the right path.

beyond that, the spiritual education i'm receiving has been another confirmation that i made the right decision. i now understand the value of going to a religiously centered school. my professors are filled with a great level of humanity and care for their students. i am truly being honest when i say that i feel the love from my professors. beginning class with prayer reminds me of being young, sitting at my grandparents kitchen table and praying with my grandfather for understanding before i started my homework. 

my bible studies professor says the exact same prayer my grandfather use to recite with me. amazing and beautiful.

to say that my faith has been enhanced, encouraged, and strengthened as a result of my christian studies class is an understatement. we are not studying from a christian-centric basis, we are studying from a historical and cultural understanding basis. in fact, most of our studies have centered around judaism and the history of the ancient middle east. i have learned how christianity grew from judaism, how islam has biblical roots, and i can say that my appreciation, tolerance, and understanding of western religions has been greatly enhanced.

the other thing that i have noticed is a different feel of camaraderie amongst the students. i have noticed that there is a helping attitude that is prevalent amongst the students. i don't feel a sense of competition but a feeling of togetherness. not a "cum-ba-ya" sort of thing, but just an underlying sense of camaraderie. 

i guess it is obvious i'm completely happy with my college decision.

And finally, the good news of this week is that i got my graduation date. yay! i wanted a spring graduation so i will be walking the stage may, 2013. my favorite number is 3 so i am thrilled. if i wanted i could of made the cut for graduation december, 2012 but i choose to aim for 2013 for a few reasons.

first, the number 3, silly i know, but i love that number. second, i wanted a traditional spring graduation. third, i am aiming to graduate magna cum laude (3.70-3.89 gpa) at least and taking a reasonable amount of classes makes it easier for me to balance school and family. (so far i have a 3.61 and if i get a 4.0 this session it will be a 3.64 which is cum laude.) and finally (the most important) is i believe e will graduate spring, 2013 also. i want us to walk the stage together because we are truly the best team i know of. well the little lady and guy are a great team too.

i have all of my classes planned to the end, and have registered out through the next year (which is when i'll be finished with my major classes). i have about 17 units of g.e.'s that i'll need to finish once i'm done with my major rotation. i start my major rotation classes this summer and will be finished at the end of summer 2012.

other happenings?

-i finished my first short story, pigeon, and sent it off for a literary contest. yay! i will probably simultaneously submit it somewhere else too...just don't know where yet.

-sadly, e's father had a heart attack a day after his birthday mid-month, but thankfully he is making a full recovery. it was a horrible few days for us, but a blessing that he got the care he needed, and made it home to us safely.

-i finished a commissioned care bears quilt...which was a very challenging project. i made a quilt out of about 50-60 vintage care bears. hard, hard work. it will be on display next week and hopefully i'll have some good pictures to share of it. 

-i have been invited to teach two art quilting classes this summer at UCR extension. 

-i am finally (we have had an unusually cold and long winter) going to be getting started planting my summer garden, which will focus on heirloom tomatoes, different varieties of squashes, and lots of herbs and a few flowers. we also started a new bed last weekend (well e did...lots of digging that i could not do) and hopefully we will be planting it this weekend (again, weather permitting)

-i'm planning on being in a fiber show this may, and if all goes as planned it will coincide with my short story, pigeon, and i will do a reading at the show. still gotta talk to cos about that, but i don't see a problem.

-got a new mbp! triple yay!

-not volunteering as much anymore, sadly, but i did do a children's sewing workshop for the metropolitan museum last weekend which was tiring and fun.

-tulips popped up last week in my garden!! 

i think that is all. i hope this past month has been as rewarding and enriching to all of your lives as mine has been. go after life, and live with your feet fully planted in the center of living!

live your purpose!

luv...ki

ki's first week of school from the ej perspective

*Read Ki's perspective here*

Ki's been ultra busy this week taking multiple classes at two institutions, sometimes at the same time. So I have had to pick up the slack a little. It's not something I mind. I have to do a little more schooling with the kids, which I should be doing regardless, and I have to do a little more "cooking" (those fish sticks aren't going to pop themselves in the oven), but that is fine with me. I know these next few years will be a bit more busy and hectic, but they will also be enriching and rewarding.  I know the task ahead of me and my family, and I am going to plow forward at full speed. I figure I had better enjoy these days before it gets really busy this summer (as I will also be going back to school for my MBA).

I am very proud of my wife. She re-committed to getting her degree and is ready to handle whatever may come her way. The social butterfly of yester-year is gone, replaced by a "vatican assassin warlock" student with razor sharp focus, a keen mind, and an iron a steel determination (don't mess with her). She is learning to prioritize and has discovered that it is OK to say "no" to any new projects that will cut into her study or family time.

I know that these next few years will be very busy for everyone in our family, but I am sure that everyone, including the kids, will come out the other end of this experience all the better for it. I see many good years ahead of us, and I look forward to the day when Ki walks at her graduation ceremony.

EJ

*lightly edited by the resident "vatican assassin warlock" english major

 

the first week of school (life lessons i've learned)

so this past week was major.

my schedule is a bit nuts, but not for long. i'm taking the two uni classes, and i'm also finishing up two university extension classes (fiction writing). i have four classes over three evenings, with two classes meeting at roughly the same time. and the classes are at different ends of the city.

not a biggie, i got through it and it was tiring, but doable.

so how did it go?

the thing that strikes me the most is how different it is (for me) going to school as an adult (with a family) versus going to school as a young adult. before i say how it is now, let me start by saying what it was like then. my first foray into university education.

the first time i went to university was majorally different. i was on my own for the first time, living on campus, about an hour's drive from everyone i'd ever known in my life, and i was working three jobs. socially, it was a whole new world. no offense to the good friends i have from high school, jr. high school, and elementary, but it was great to meet new people. people i hadn't known all my life, and sat in kindergarten or first grade classes with. that's where i got myself into a bit of trouble...i was a social butterfly (unlike high school).

i also had three jobs. three. that is a whole lot for a freshman college student. i worked more than i went to school, and i was going full-time. i had to work to stay in school, but work prevented me from being truly "present" in school. i had no homework time, because every free moment was spent working (or being social).

i dropped out half-way into my sophomore year.

so today, my only job is my family & home. and even that is a shared burden. e is so wonderful. (he would say: "Aww...shucks") he has helped take on some of the load of homeschooling the kids, he has become the only one making dinner, he has been washing the clothes, and he has been doing most of the grocery shopping.

so now, that i have only one job, i have so much more time to focus on school. its ridiculous. before the first day of both of my classes, i had already read all the notes, gotten the books, read the first chapters and started organizing my assignment schedule.

there was a huge difference sitting in the first class, and already being farmiliar with what my professor was going to lecture on, versus rushing into class from a job or hanging out with friends. i was able to ask intelligent questions, and i was able to follow him and really absorb what he was teaching.

i actually believe that i can get an a in most if not all of my classes. that's how focused i am, and how able i feel. i didn't feel like that before.

now, don't get me wrong, I'm not just at home studying, reading, and waiting for class. i'm still doing the majority of the homeschooling, i'm still volunteering at the extension, i'm still doing most of our daily garden work, and i am also working on a commissioned quilt project due in a week or two. but, and here's the difference, i have help and lee-way.

i don't have to worry about finishing every single lesson with the kids because i know e will pick up where i left off, i don't have to volunteer...i do it because i enjoy it, and i can do as much or as little as i want when i want, and as for the garden work...and the quilt...i'm able to fit them in around everything else.

with all that said, i have to say i'm learning a big lesson in priorties. i'm learning to say no. i'm learning that i have to set boundaries for my time, and have to be able to admit when i can't do something. that has been hard. the kids wanted chocolate chip cookies this past week and i didn't have the time to make them, so e did it. e has been asking me to make some sort of breakfast bread for him to take to work and i haven't had time to do it. my brother called me yesterday morning, using me as his normal brain dump on his way home from his mid-night shift, and i had to tell him i had homework to do and cut the conversation short. i wanted to catch-up with my sis nina in the middle of the week, but between homeschooling the kids, tending to the garden and seedlings we just started, and homework and preparing for class that night it had to wait till friday.

i hate not being available for my loved ones. i hate not being the one to do everything for everybody. but i have realized i have to give myself the opportunity to excel. i have to give myself a chance in the deal too.

so, yesterday i was able to catch-up with nina while cleaning the kitchen, last night me and e made dinner together, and i was able to talk to my brother before i fell asleep and catch-up with what was going on with him.

today, for family time i promised the kids we'll go to the farmer's market or walk around the lake, and play qwirkle and watch family game night. i'll work on the quilt half of today, and probably all of tomorrow (except for baking e some sweet potato bread for the week). when we're driving to the farmer's market, or someplace else i'll bring my books and study, and at the end of the day...before completely zonk out and early in the morning before anyone else wakes up, i'll sneak in more study time.

i'm learning that it is all about trade-offs, and setting priorities. right now my biggest priorities are homeschooling the kids, doing well in school, supporting e, and maintaing my garden and my family relationships.

everything else will have to get funneled in as i can. somethings i'll be able to do...somethings i won't.

and i'm learning that's okay.

so here is/was my homework this week, 3/7-3/13/2010:

history and overview of the bible:

-read unit one (backgrounds to the bible) notes (15 pages)*

-answer three short essay questions based on notes*

-short website review*

-study for unit one quiz (next week of class)

-(self-imposed) read unit two (the torah) notes (17 pages)

english composition:

-read textbook pages 1-138

-start reading novel (the adventures of huckleberry finn or the great gasby)*

-write first journal entry (informal essay)*

-write formal personal narrative essay

fiction workshop (extension):

-read and critique three student stories, write out critique

writing the short story (extension):

-read short story passing feet, by geoffrey hitchcock

-work on re-write/revisions to my short story pigeon

* these assignments i've finished already.

----

with all that said...i'm happy, content, and grateful.

on another note. yesterday afternoon, i was able to take some garden pictures while me and the kids were doing some sort of routine work. the signs of spring are finally start show and i had to capture it. i will be doing a post on them as soon as i can import the pictures. we also started some seedlings last saturday, so i'll take a picture of those and include that stuff too.

and also, since e has taken on dinner duty lately, he's came up with a good "recipe" or meal idea that the kids and i love, we...will be doing a post on that soon. maybe next week as i think that's when we'll cook it again, and i'll be able to get some pictures. last night i was too tired.

peace and love,

ki

 

so much to share...

i woke up this morning, and after saying some quick prayers of gratitude the first thing on my mind was blog.

(i feel so rusty at this...)

have you ever set out on a journey with one destination, one purpose in mind only to find yourself on a completely different path faster than you could hunch your shoulders in question? that has been me and e's experience this last month and a half.

the new year didn't start off too well for us. my uncle, a wonderfully colorful character, passed away. he was the eldest of my granma's four children, my mom's older brother, and he was truly someone you would never forget. Sadly, he'd been ill...and after my granma passed his desire to go on, went with her, so he passed...the same month she did.

for a while, i really didn't feel like blogging, i felt melancholy. with the 1-year anniversary of my granma approaching my spirits felt drained. not down, but drained.

the journey...

the first couple of weeks of this new year were tough...so much was happening...and nothing for the better...nothing. i'm guessing almost every morning i was calling e at work in tears, or near tears...needing his reassurance that things, that we would be okay....and that things would get better.

he had been searching for a new job since last summer (something closer to home, and something to give him new experiences - he's been with his district for 10 years now!) and though he kept getting interviews, nothing was happening. it's hard to break into a new school district as they tend to run interviews, knowing they already have someone in house they will hire. the interview process is just a formality, his recent promotion within his district was the same. so that led to many cycles of me getting my hopes up for him, helping him prep for an interview, hearing how well it went, only to find out someone inside got it.

after the last disappointment (which was huge)...we talked. back to the drawing board. i won't lie, another large part of his job search is for more money...though I don't like to focus on that. (we are knee deep in paying off a nasty bit of credit card debt.)

so anyway...like i said, we talked. we discussed our dreams...his and mine. we talked about our family and what we wanted (and didn't want) for the kids...we talked about everything...we talked about our credit card debt and how it sucked...but that we were committed to paying it off...if nothing else so we would learn a lesson. we wrote goals...everything.

(which is why not much blogging was going on)

at the end of it all...we decided e needed to go back to school for his MBA. after getting clear on what his professional goals were it was obvious.

as for me, i was still intent on finishing my novel, and finishing up my certificate in fiction writing before i decided what i would do. that plan took me well into the summer...so we were concentrating on him and getting him on a path.

so just like i helped him job search (i used to do job searching, resume & interviewing workshops and such for a living) i started to help him look for an MBA program. we found all the local programs, we put them into spreadsheets comparing what they had to offer...the whole bang...and guess what happened in the process?

i found a university home for myself.

yeap...what started out as a search for e...became a discovery for me. i found my dream program. dream. it caters to adults, it is spiritually centered, it has a wonderful english program (BA and MA), it isn't far, it is relatively cheap, and it is regionally (1st tier) ranked.

i've had one of the most difficult roads to finishing my degree...and many times...many, many times i thought i'd never get it done.i have cried so many times; I've felt embarrassed, ashamed, discouraged, and downright angry that i didn't have my degree.

e would tell me, "your one of the smartest people i know...it'll happen...i'll make sure of it." he would whisper to me "one day it'll be your turn" as we congratulated someone on their educational success.

and i never could say i truly believed him. it had just never worked out for me.

today i can officially say that i am a uni student (junior status with a 3.61 GPA!!) and i know that i will finally get the chance to get it done.

finally!

i am now a full-time student! my classes don't start for another couple of weeks which is great because i'm still taking fiction writing classes in the university extension program i'm attending.

as for e...well, he was a little slower in making his decision...but he has decided to attend the same uni as me (the price and program are the best in our area) and he will be starting his MBA program in the summer.

if you would of asked us two months ago...heck a month ago...we would of never told you this would be our reality. both of us in school at the same time!? no way.

it has been a whirlwind of change. good change. new energy.

so let's get back to the journey part...

during the last few months things have been a mix of good and bad for us. like i mentioned earlier e's been looking for a new job...i have been trying to find a way to keep on my path of writing, and afford to take classes. i've done a lot of meditating/praying during this process.

a lot.

the one thing i kept asking for was my purpose, my direction...what should i be doing. what should e be doing...what was right for our family.

when searching for a new job it is hard to not get wrapped up in the financial (money) side of things. we kept coming back to the same point...we have enough.

yeah times are tough, but we have enough. no we can't afford to go on vacations, but we have enough. no i can't go shopping at anthropologie, but we have enough. no i can't build my dream garden, but we have enough. yes we still have ikea furniture from when we first got married, but we have enough.

at some point we/i started focusing on the gratitude of having what we needed...and not caring about the "wants." neither one of us are materialistic...we're happy driving simple, plain...old cars. we're fine with not having a decked out house...or being dressed to the nines...but sometimes, no matter how "simple" you are...you want more.

at one time my mom said something to me that really stroke a chord...and has stuck with me. she said that we weren't getting "those things" we wanted because she felt God wanted us to keep or priorities in tack...and keep moving down the path we were going. that was the jest of it.

after she said it, she felt the need to clear it up...saying "I don't mean you guys are suffering, or going with out, etc." but what she was saying was that all that extra "stuff" wasn't important to our lives because she felt it would pull us away from homeschooling, focusing on our family, etc.

instantly i knew she was right.

today, all those worries/concerns i've had in the past few months...have disappeared. i know we are right where we need to be.

everything has fallen into place perfectly. we are now happy that he didn't get any of those jobs because we get more financial aid. we are now happy that he is still with his district because it will allow him to focus on school more...he knows his job forwards and backwards. we are now grateful for the longevity that he has in his district because he has so much sick/vacation time built up and great job security (which is important when both parents are in school full-time). his job is comfortable...and relatively stress-free...another important thing.

like i said, everything has worked out well...i could not be more content with my life. the funny thing? the motto of our new school?

"live your purpose"

yeap...the focus of the academic and spiritual education that we will receive is on living your purpose. that is the exact thing i was praying/meditating for months ago. grand intervention.

i share all of this...to say...focus on your intention, your purpose, your priorities, and have faith. a lot of times we don't know what is better for us...we want things not knowing the full potential of everything that is out and waiting for us.

i don't know what the next two years will look like for us, i'm sure there will be a lot of ups and downs, growths and struggles along the way...but i do know that we are on the right path. for us.

we are moving along on our journey, together. it doesn't matter how it compares to the next person's/family's path...it is ours. and everything we need is being taken care off.

and now...i'm preparing to graduate with my best friend, my biggest supporter. if we time it right...we will possibly walk the stage together in two years...amazing!

more from us soon...as we continue to settle and figure things out.

in the meantime...live your purpose!