of my life.
a week or two ago i came across something on she writes about encores. i read the e-mail quickly, and then got back to my lessons believing that the article was not one-hundred percent connected to or concerned with my life.
well, my mother called me later that day (or it could of been later that week - my days are a blur) and as she started to tell me about the changes her life is going through (good), i passed on what i had read earlier...that she was experiencing an encore in her life. i encouraged her to live it to the fullest, to dream wide big fat dreams and to do any and everything that would bring her peace and fulfillment.
end of story. i thought.
i'm not sure if many of you know, but i'm attending a Christian-centered university. a part of my education is a couple of classes that center on a greater understanding of Christianity. the first was overview of the Bible, and this semester I am taking the Christian life. after this class, there will be no more that i have to take, however, i believe there will be more i want to take. (if i was a traditional student at my university i'd have to go to chapel daily (mon.-fri.), but since i am classified as an adult student (different program) my Christian fulfillment is met with two (very good) classes.)
anyway, in my current Christian studies class we're reading a book (which i love and recommend) called knowing God. and as i'm sitting here and reading it a thought occurs to me:
this is my first encore.
i don't think it was anything that i read particularly, but the overall change i've noticed in my life during these past three months re-dawned on me. i'm sure i've said it here before, in previous posts, but it needs repeating: i am not the same woman. not by far.
as i was reading and taking notes, i sort of looked back at myself and thought. this is not my life of 2009. nor 2007. nor 2005. nor 2003. i realized that i am on a new trail.
it is like my life is a journey through nature, and now i am encountering another terrain. as if before i was in the rainforest and now i'm going through the wide open plains or grasslands. nothing before, nothing after is neither bad nor good, but exists in its own respects, a life of its own.
i looked up encore in my handy dandy dictionary (not notebook) :)
encore - n. 1. a demand by an audience for an additional performance. 2. an additional performance in response to such a demand.
not bad, but i thought i'd change some words. here's my definition:
encore - n. 1. an encouragement by life for a new journey. 2. a new journey in response to changes in life.
my definition feels more applicable. it feels more understanding, as if through it we can understand and apply the concept of encores to our lives.
why encouragement instead of demand? new instead of additional? journey instead of performance? and changes in life in lieu of response to such a demand?
simple. life encourages us. life and the God of life, the God in our family, the God in nature, the God in the good things we do encourages us to move into new journeys. it happens when we respond to the changes in our lives, not the demands. demand is a negative word and the God in us...the life and God of our life is not negative. Life and the God of our life is shaping and creative, forceful and molding, but also loving and purposeful.
we most continually embrace life's encouragement to begin new journeys. we most respond to the changes in our lives, whatever they may be and set off as explorers, of ourselves, and journey through life's different, varied, and purposeful terrains.
remember: different, varied and purposeful.
i'm sitting here and i'm wondering out loud, and on screen -- what were the changes in my life? what encouraged me?
and it is simple, beautiful, and two-fold:
my granma and my children.
when granma died life ceased to continue as i knew it. it has been the most profound, in good and bad ways, experience my spirit has encountered to date. more profound than loosing my father at five. more profound than birthing my children. more profound than marrying my guardian angel. more profound than my childhood. more profound than anything.
more profound because it was painful and beautiful and inspiring and damning and pushing and uplifting all at once. there was never anything painful about bringing my children into the world. there was never anything beautiful about loosing my father tragically at five. there never anything damning about marrying edward. there was never nothing like that, all at once, in my childhood.
it was the moment and time when definition and purpose of life took up presence in my life.
which leads to my children.
they are the encouragement and the change. i realized i have to give them what granma gave me. what granma gave me personally and what granma gave me through my mother. what granma gave me in inspiration. what granma gave me in sacrifice. what granma gave me in love.
i look at my children and how loving, patient, nurturing and kind they were when i refused to get out of bed, even months after granma was gone and i am encouraged and inspired by their love. they deserve a granma-sized and abled mama who would do big and great things in their lives, by example. they deserve a mama who is strong enough to not only seek out but accomplish her dreams. they deserve a mama who lives up to her potential and does not hold back her gifts.
children do not do what you say, but what you do.
so...this encore is about what granma did for me. for my mother. for our family. her sacrifices. her love. her strength. her courage. her fire. her will to be her no matter who was looking, listening, or watching.
hear me when i say, that's my girl...and that's what i will do for my children.
from my grandmother, to my mother, to me, to my daughter...out to the world.
so here i am today, smiling and knowing that it is true that granma's spirit lives on in me.
those things she sacrificed -- i will accomplish for her and me.
those things she taught -- i will teach in her name.
those things she embodied -- i will be for her, my children, and me.
granma never hid behind her talents, her strengths, her gifts. and that is what this first encore in my life is about.
sharing my talents, fortifying my strengths, and using my gifts.
we all have talents, strengths, and gifts...it is what makes us uniquely us...but it is up to us to share them, use them, and birth them out and into the world.
where ever you are in your life be like my granma, she would be proud and say to you like she said to me:
"you mark my words, i may be dead and gone but you gone do big thangs. granma knows what she talkin' bout. i may not live to see it, but you mark my words...granma knows what she talkin' bout."
i am marking your words granma.
love, ki

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