a pieced and quilted life

more than halfway there.

i've written about 174 pages on my novel to date. 

it goes like this.

feb: i realized i could no longer ignore the urge to write. there was a whisper that kept saying "write" when i'd meditate. it grew impatient with me ignoring it, and started to yell.

march: i started looking into classes i could take, discovered a local spot, and planned on taking classes come spring.

wasn't sure if i wanted to take fiction writing classes or non-fiction, was heavily leaning towards non-fiction. didn't understand the purpose of writing fiction, which to me was in effect...telling untruths. wasn't sure if i could get down with that.

april: while telling my mom about the uc extension system, i discovered ucla extension's writing program. i called on the last day that spring classes were starting and got the last seat in a (non-fiction) class called: finding and telling the stories you were meant to tell. 

these two instructors changed my life. completely. 

may: found my voice early on, the class was that good. still didn't know how i felt about fiction. in this class we were using fiction techniques to tell real life stories...which is called creative non-fiction. this is where i felt i was going to go with my writing.

june: found the story i was meant to write...as the class was ending. started writing it. enrolled in a beginner fiction writing class with same two instructors and begin writing my novel, chapter one.

read the color purple, the bluest eye, the red tent, and started reading books by edward p. jones.

still didn't quite know how i felt towards fiction writing, decided to take the class to "feel it out." i felt that since i'd be continuing with the same two instructors i'd be safe to explore.

july: started taking a yoga class, took some other one-day writing seminars. continued to write. firmly established my writing practice which i had started in april, which is to write first thing in the morning before everyone else wakes, while listening to jazz.

august: asked a lot of tough questions of myself. wrote the answers. wrote as much as i could daily. started researching toni morrison, and started reading paradise.

september: started novel writing 2, i had written so much in the summer i felt i was ready to jump past novel writing 1. enrolled in three other fiction classes locally.

still didn't know what i felt about fiction writing, besides i needed to learn it. my two favorite instructors mentored me, and told me, and i'll never forget these words: "just please keep writing. you don't need to take another class, you have everything you need to write the story your writing. all you have to do is write it."

i didn't get their confidence in me, i surely didn't feel like i had all i needed...so i piled on the classes.

wrote. workshop. repeat. met other writers and started gaining confidence in my voice.

october: wrote. workshop. repeat.

another one of my teachers took me aside, gave me a long talk, and made me promise i'd keep writing, no matter what life brought, no matter how busy life got with the kids, even with my inclinations towards art...i was told, kiandra you must'n stop writing. i was told if i stopped, he'd haunt me in my dreams, track me down, and make me continue writing.

i promised. (with a smile)

hadn't gotten very far with reading paradise, by toni morrison, and set it aside to read sula, by toni morrison as a suggestion from yet another writing teacher. also got all her books used from amazon (that i didn't own already)

november: wrote. workshop. repeat.

december: i am now more than halfway there. have written more than 174 pages of my novel...and have about 126 to go.

i have met other amazing writers with inspiring stories to tell.

i have learned how to write a novel..but of course mastering it is something altogether different.

i can finally say i get fiction writing. it took me a lot of months to understand what fiction writing meant. i'm a why person, i have to know the why of something, and i couldn't understand why someone would write fiction (non-truths) over non-fiction. never mind that i loved reading fiction...i guess its best to say i didn't know why i would write fiction over truth.

i get it now. and,

i love fiction writing, and may prefer it over all other writing.

and i finally understand what my writing mentors meant when they told me: "you have everything you need to write this story."

what i didn't have then was confidence. and now i do. i'm still a bit unsure of my writing voice, but i've been told that is completely normal, and with time i will grow comfortable with my way. but finally i feel like i've found who i am and what i'm meant to do.

i'm more than halfway there with my novel...but i'm there in my life.

i told e yesterday, when he had a similar revelation about his professional career, that was the golden ticket - knowing what you want...it doesn't matter how long it takes you to suceed in getting it. the hardest part is knowing what you want. once you know that...you have something to shoot for, something to aim and work hard towards.

and like i told him...it don't matter how long it takes. a month, a year, or three years...as long as you keep working you'll get there. 

i get that about my life now. and am excited to work towards this novel's completion, and the other things i'll write (what ever they will be) in the future. i feel empowered. i have confidence. simply because i know.

and all i gotta do is just keep swimming, just keep writing. 

remember...knowing is half the battle.

writing luv, ki

yellow shade :: a simple poem about art

gone.

and it feels like forever now.

it feels like never again

it can be

like rainbows that dissolve in sunlight

 

i can be sick about it

cause it feels threatening enough to my life

my happiness

like loosing hope

 

gone 

as if u forgot how

it was

as if stolen glances had to be

paid back in bouncing checks

of a broken life

as if it was only a phase

 

life imitating art

art playing life

a frida and diego living that passed

without painterly affairs or

big stone necklaces

chocking the neck of it all

 

abandon the it of it all

and stand it there like dried out paint brushes

unable to be soaked, cleaned, and shaped again

 

leave it to film like skins...gloss and matte

but mostly matte

cause living, u do it dull now.

 

u used to have ferrules for fingernails...

ur hands were like brushes...leaving brushstrokes

in my life

 

what are they now,

ur gone?

 

beautiful pink halfmoons writing

about what u can't paint

 

dream of hansa yellow hearts falling

between partly phthalo blue cloudy quinacridone skies

love (yellow shade) is there

---end poem---

today and the past few days i've not written much...but this poem wanted to come out, so i let it. i miss painting, quilting, art making...

but the drive to write is stronger. to tell this story i know like a song. a beautiful one.

it is difficult being a person who lives in color and not finding the time to stroke it across a wood panel, or stitch it together with limp, and soft fabrics.

i try to write artfully. let all the art my eyes see seep into the words, shape the letters, and paint my sentences into scenes...

but sometimes, like today...it isn't enough.

i imagine it is like the necklaces frida kahlo wore, thick around her neck, choking her and making her beautiful at the same time.

i need to find balance...a peace with this bilingual way of living.

i feel like a philandering artist when i write, and know that i am doing it well. shouldn't i be painting? no this is what i should be doing..i respond quicker than i can speak it.

but doesn't the paint, the fabrics miss me. my hands? my eyes? my way of seeing color and relationships between things like i do. this way of speaking through art. telling stories and writing poetry with needle, thread, and old washed up fabric.

if i paint then i feel like i'm cheating on my story. ignoring the fine craft of writing for paint brushes that are worn in and broken the way i've chosen them to be. 

where is the balance? 

i think today i may just paint...and while i paint think about my story...see what a scene would look like in art. or maybe i should play with fabric and quilt the background of a scene. i could switch back and forth...telling the story in words than in color, than in words, than in fabrics...till

it all makes sense.

maybe.

paint or quilt today?

luv, ki

nanowrimo: day 6-9 pep talk for those falling off the novel writing in a month bandwagon and looking for their own novel writing swagger

there's a reason i haven't blogged about nanowrimo since day 5, and i'm on day 9.

its boring. i know it is. i started thinking to myself...who in the world wants to read about an artist/writer struggling to write 1786 words a day on a novel they (the reader - not me - cause i know very well what i'm writing about) know nothing about.

no one. its okay. i understand. it took me a few days to accept it, but i have.

and then, i'm thinking about this nanowrimo novel writing program thing and i'm like...why am i doing this again?

i'm not kidding, i have completely lost track of why this sounded like a good idea to me that last week in october. really, what in the fairytale was i thinking?

what? what? what!

why couldn't i have signed up for some other internet meme type thing? why. some other work a long where i join thousands of other creative people doing something...creative, practical, doable, and enjoyable?

like doll quilts or something...remember when i did that?

this is not fun anymore. no, its not. i'm going to step forward and tell the truth. admitting. it no longer feels like a good idea. in fact, a fairly dumb one. i'll tell you why.

i enjoy writing. i enjoy murking around my head and using my imagination to dig deep about life, about people, about relationships. i'm a thinker. i love to live in my head. seriously, i could stay in there for weeks, i love it so much i've started stretching the concept of living in my head to living in my body.

yeah, i live in my fingertips sometimes, my knees, my neck. i know sounds crazy, can't quite explain it, but its true.

the thing with nanowrimo and its word count daily goals and deadlines and rushed feel is all that...the word counts, the daily goals, the deadlines and rushed feel...it takes me from living in my head and makes me live in nanowrimo's head. and i don't know who nanowrimo is. i don't know if its a he or she, what it looks like, sound like...nothing. and i don't like living in its head and it telling me every 10 minutes:

"ki, not enough words for the past 10 minutes," nanowrimo says while looking at its watch, then sighs to the sky. "your never going to get anywhere with this ki. your not going to make it unless you set down the metaphors and similes and all that flowery b.s. you like to write and pump out some pages."

nanowrimo is hostile. impatient. not very friendly. and even has the nerves to tell me "so what" when i make ridiculous good word counts. like 4141 in one day. yeah, nanowrimo poo-pooed on that day, told me "so what...you still have like 40,000 words to go."

i don't like it.

i've written whole chapters in a day, but i ain't gone lie, i'm not proud of them. i've written whole chapters in a week that i am proud of though.

i'm a slow, sensual writer. i take my time and i hate to use this metaphor, sorry in advance, but i (make) love (to) my words, sensually...i take my time with them. i love them down, like that old r&b song says...you know the one..."let me love you down"

that is when i am at my best. because i am thoughtful. and purposeful. and meaningful. i'm lovely with the words.

nanowrimo is not fostering that lovely writing ki.

i don't know that deep, literary writing can be done during nanowrimo. it can be started i'm sure, but done...i don't think so.

so...i ranted on and on to say this.

i'm changing my goals. not really, but yeah, kinda. i'm not going to focus on how many words i write a day i'm going to focus on if i sat my behind down and wrote. because the truth is...that's the only important thing about this whole self-serving contest anyway. that as a writer you learn discipline and write everyday.

so that's my goal...to write everyday, and then on day 30th, see how well i stuck with that. it has to be about something more than the pumping out of words. really. it has to be about quality.

i want to write quality, engaging writing that digs deep and sounds musical. i can't do that with some november beast on my back chin-checking me every few minutes. i'm from south central...i'll fight back.

i guess that's what i'm doing now.

i'm fighting back. *punches nanowrimo in the eye*

i'm telling nanowrimo that i'm not going to do word counts, but maybe metaphor counts daily...or something else flowery. *kicks nanowrimo in the shin*

I'm going to try and write as descriptive and flowery as i can, taking my time to sit, listen to jazz (and the sound of my fan blowing in the background - i need the white noise too) and stare out my window and find the most beautiful way of describing the most mundane thing...while sitting my behind right here...typing/writing. *kicks nanowrimo again*

i'm going to write love...and geez...writing love takes time...the words need to be rolled around, felt, whispered to, and caressed in my brain before they can fall out on the page.

really...that's who i am as a writer. i have to stay true to me and my words.

so, enough fighting...i'm sort of breaking up with nanowrimo (must be a man then...that would explain his lack of respect for flowery writing). we can be friends, but no longer we will be writing partners.

i'm still going to write feverishly during this month, because the truth is i was already doing that since like april or something. and really, really, consistently since july.

but i'm no longer going to concern myself with word count...and reaching some not even a true novel goal of 50,000 words.

the truth is...rushing out 50K words wouldn't even do me any good...i'll need at least 100K words to be able to seriously consider this ms.

and one more thing (bare with me, i'm spilling my soul like people do when they break up),

everyone knows that your first draft is crappy. so some people use that notion, that fact to just breeze through their first ms and allow it to be crappy...this attitude of who cares its going to be horrible anyway just close your eyes and get through it like you did your first time...

but um...am i the only one here who wanted my first time to be special? i don't want to write a crappy ms, a crappy first draft. no. i want to write a darn good ms, one that even though it needs to be re-written is sooo much closer to a finished product.

i'd rather spend 9-12 months writing a really wonderful first draft, than to spend 1-3 months, and then 2 years re-writing it.

if i take my time now, won't it be worth it in the end. i mean sure i'll probably spend some ample time re-writing it, etc. but won't the re-writing be so much better? so much easier? because i took my time the first go at it?

that has to be the truth. it has to be.

i want to mold quality, not crap.

the process is hard enough, why not just accept it and do your very best...throw all your good stuff at the wall the first time around.

that's my rationale. and i'm sticking to it.

the hell with the november month long writing trend to pump out 50,000 words.

i'm going on a kiandra jimenez writing trend...where we write good flowery stick to your heart type stuff...that makes your heart flutter with metaphors so creative you wonder where did they come from and similes so spot on they explain the reason for life and existing.

yeah...that's what i'm going for.

like trying to write the meaning of love.

so there.

haha..i don't care nanowrimo. because to be honest with you all the agents and publishers hate you...they say that you make their months of december horrible, because they get so many crappy ms that people just rush out in a november novel writing frenzy.

not going to be me. in fact, i'll do you one better. i'm never going to send out a ms during the month of december. ever. period. i don't care if it was requested. (well, i take that back, i do...and i will...but! only if it is requested and happens to fall during the month of december. like if the timing just worked out that way.)

i'm going to send out my ms when it is done. and it won't be done during the month of november so i'm going to stop trying.

okay...that felt good.

i think that is about all that i wanted to say.

no wait...i'm not quitting...i'm just changing here...i'm making the next year my nanowriyr (national novel writing year) yeah...how you like that?

let me share a quick calculation with you other novel writers:

if you wanted to write a dammed good 100,000 word literary novel, and gave yourself a year, guess how many words you'd have to write a day.

go on guess. i'll wait.

274.

two-hundred-and-freaking-seventy-four!

can you imagine how great that novel would be if every day for a year you lived it, breathed it in, and put your heart down in 274 words.

am i the only one screaming in my head right now? like really?

that's it. 274 words a day for the next year will bring you to literary heaven.

that my friends is writing truth. that is writing love capabilities. skills. that is the "truth like a.i." as jermaine dupri would say...

in fact let me share the lyrics:

"i'm the truth like a.i., got the proof and stay fly...know why? cause i write the songs that the whole world sings"

now let's take that rapping swagger...and apply it to writing:

"i'm the truth like a.i. got the words and stay fly...know why? cause i write the books that the whole world reads"

i know...nerdy rappin' ki. i do that. really i do that with lyrics...i take on the swagger of rappers...and slap it on my back and apply it to my nerdy life..like my art stuff, my writing...all that stuff...i get crazy.

i "whobang" on what ever is holding me back. i do..i'll put on some t.i. "bring 'em out" some jay z, all kinds of stuff..pump myself up...and then mellow down with the roots, get spiritual with india. aire and then write to jazz...

i know, i'm weird like that.

i may even take it back and put on "stomp" old school kirk franklin...

i know...but that's just how i do it. you can do it your way.

so let's get back on topic. my pep talk to myself and other writers fearing they are not cut out for nanowrimo.

its okay...nanowrimo is that boyfriend that looked all cute and charming...till he opened his mouth. you can dump him. i promise you, you'll find someone better. he may not be popular...but he'll have his own swagger. and that's cool.

look at e. he ain't the most hip hop-ed out guy i ever dated...in fact quite the opposite (though he loves the song noila clap - don't know why) but geez i love him with all his e, nerdy, non-dressing, non-ghetto self. he's like a breath of fresh air that came around in 1998 and never left me. he is my always blue sky. he is mine, and i so love him.

you too can find your novel writing swagger.

go on...think about it. you can.

mines is writing love.

so "whobang" on writing...get your swagger...and let's "do the damn thing" but let's do it write.

writing love,

ki

p.s. in case you are wondering, i made my writing goals for the week. i wrote more than 12,502 words last week. i don't know the exact amount..because..well you read the last 1800 words right?

i say that to say, i'm not stopping, or breaking up with nanowrimo because i can't do it, i'm breaking up with it because i don't want to. i don't think its for me. it doesn't fit my m.o. my style, my writing swagger.

that doesn't mean i'm not going to write my arse off the next few weeks..but i was doing that before nov. 1st rolled around. i'm still going to show up every day and write, i'm just not committed to this idea of having to write 1786 words a day.

does that make sense?

i hope it does, cause i'm still going to be blogging about my progress. i don't care if no one reads it, its my journal. its my prerogative.

okay, enough

2125 words

time to write on my novel.

nanowrimo: day 5

before i talk about today's word count, i want to do a public service announcement.

support writers...buy books

this is such a crazy, hard road...there is so much that goes into writing a book...i'm sure everyone's heard some author say how writing a book is like birthing a baby.

oh i so promise you, they never lied. this is a long, labor-intensive journey. nothing in the end is guarnteed. nothing.

you can love it, pamper it, cry over it, scream over it, whisper prayers and sweet nothings to your papers ear...but in the end. after all your hard work. after you've went over and personally chosen each word. personally constructed each sentence. dreamed about and talked about your characters, their lives, their actions, their dialogue...

nothing is guarnteed.

you have to love it. love the words. love the sentences and the way they sound. you have to love all the possibilities. love your characters...their story.

otherwise...there is no sane reason to continue.

i get that.

and i hope that readers get that too.

know that the author loved and carefully crafted each and every word for your enjoyment...what a gift.

okay, off my soapbox.

yesterday was not a good day. writing wise. i wrote nothing. not even "and" or "the" or even "it." nothing came out of me. i want to say that i tried, well i did...I showed up. i put myself in front of my computer, but after a good thirty minutes of trying to start a sentence, deleting it, staring at a blank white page...i closed my netbook, and cuddled with e.

there are writers that belong to different writing camps. i can't name them all, but i'll tell you about two. there is the write every single day no matter what camp, and then there is the write when the muse/words allow you too camp.

for the past eight months i've been in the second camp...the write when the muse hits one. with nanowrimo here, i've been trying to force myself to join the other camp. the camp that says everyday show up and write something.

it isn't easy.

but, my instuctor told me last night....don't give up just yet, give it the whole month. just keep trying.

like i said, it isn't easy.

however, i'm going to just keep swimming. i'm learning about myself as a writer along the way. for instance, i'm learning that ending a writing session by ending a section/scene makes it harder for me to continue the next day.

for me, once i get going...i'm going. so today...i stopped, just before the ending of a scene/chapter. it was hard, but i thought...if nothing else, tomorrow i'll have something to say.

we'll see tomorrow if it works.

stats?

today's word count: 2,778

992 words over!

in the past 5 days i've written 10,624 words.

39,376 words to go, 25 days to do it.

as always, my nanowrimo advice: write, write and then write some more.

writing luv,

ki

post word count: 497

total day's word count: 3,275

nanowrimo: day 4

:(

no words written today.

e was home sick...i was feeling no better, so rested most of the day so i could be some good in my workshopping class this evening.

today was also an emotional day, writting wise. i had a long, snot-crying session in the shower while i was getting ready for class.

thankfully, between e, fellow classmates, and a wonderful instructor m. foley...i was talked from off the ledge.

better writing days ahead...tonight i take my own advice:

write, write, write and then write some more.

writing luv,

ki

post word count: 98

total day's word count: 98

nanowrimo: day 3

tired. again.

volunteered this evening and had another writing class tonight (Creating Realistic Characters), which went well.

i'm so fighting the sandman here, but i'm pushing myself to do an update post. i'll sleep so much better i know.

not to mention i have something to shout about.

i broke 100 pages today.

awesome huh? 106.5 to be exact.

i should bake my neighbor a batch of choc. chip cookies, wrap them up neatly, and place a note on it that reads:

thank you so much for not breaking up the concrete in your backyard this morning. because of your silence, i was able to get on a roll this morning and cranked out 15 pages. a whole chapter.

your so very kind and thoughtful.

neighborly best, ki

but i won't. i'm thinking he either had to work today, or the record breaking heat deterred him. or maybe he saw me increduosly starring at him from my window. maybe i scared him, though i doubt it.

either way, i'm truly thankful.

day 3 (technically late day 2) brought along with it another curb ball. e has a cold that he seems to have gifted to me. despite his loud coughing and clearing his throat through out the night, I still managed to get up early (7:56 am) and get an early start on writing. e was still in the bed, which alarmed me and prevented me from oversleeping. the down side of that was he decided to sleep in, go in late, hoping the few hours of sleep would help him beat the cold.

maybe, but him snooring, my jazz music, and the low hum of the fan didn't mix. so i had to politely kick him out. he says he understood.

if he hadn't i would of guilted him by reminding him that he graciously gave me a cold, which is trying to slow me down, take all my energy, and make it hard for me to swallow/talk. marriage is a give and take.

i'm drifting terribly, so i'll get to today's stats:

word count: 4,141 (2,355 words over!)

i know...i'd be dancing in place if i didn't feel so icky. i'd even be dancing in my mind if i wasn't still recovering from vertigo.

today's writing session flowed like water from the shower. a light but steady stream of words that were gentle enough for me to reach my hand out...and catch the sparkling words. it was magic. everything unfolded. really.

i literally felt like i couldn't stop. and thankfully i didn't have to till i finished the chapter. if every writing session was like that...i'd sell my soul to a dictionary or something. quickly.

quality? I'm guessing somewhere around a C+/B-

i haven't gone back and re-read anything critically so, i'm flying blind here. it felt like it was flowing good so i'm happy.

overall stats?

7,846 words written during nanowrimo

33,937 words written on novel (to date)

i have 16,063 words to reach my smallest goal (50,000 words written on novel)

and, 42,154 words to reach my largest goal (50,000 fresh words written on novel)

sickly, but wonderful e was kind enough to fix the spreadsheet he made for me after i messed it up trying to input yesterday's totals. he actually made it even better. awesome man he is.

when i'm all done with this i'll do a screenshot...boasting me and e's combined skills. that's if i hold up my end of the bargain. i do have 26 more days - he's done.

again i end by saying: write, write, and write a whole lot more!

writing luv,

ki

post word count: 594

total day's word count: 4,735

nanowrimo: day 2

tried.

got home around 9:30 from my introduction to fiction writing class (which went good). we did an in class writing exercise to a prompt about a secret letter. i don't know why but my secret letter ended coming from jail. i guess i couldn't think of anything else at the time.

and yes, i managed to vote. which meant i was 5 minutes late to class.

how did the writing go today? sigh, not so good. i wrote. just not a lot. it was hard for me to pick up from yesterday's session and just keep writing like i never stopped. i find that when a whole lot of life and living happens between my writing sessions (even if it is less than 24 hours) its harder to get the wheels turning and throwing out words the next day.

i woke up late again...was up late the night before with e. technically 9 am isn't that late. well, yes it is. but i guess i'm saying it isn't like i didn't have a few hours to get the words moving.

the bad thing about today's session? my neighbor decided it would be a good idea to start breaking up his concrete at around 10:30/11 am. with a jack hammer. lucky for me my bedroom and my studio (the only two places i write) are right outside his backyard. so i got to hear all the details.

i'm not going to lie...i was pissed. as much as i tried, there was no way any pretty metaphors was going to slip out of my mind and onto the keyboard. I couldn't even write a conversation. nothing. so i had to stop and ended at a low word count.

1,209. boo.

577 words shy of my big goal.

double boo.

i'll have more stats tomorrow or later on in the week. e's resting (he's coming down with a cold) triple boo. so there's no way i can work my spreadsheet by myself.

writing luv,

ki

339 post word count

1,548 total words today (not counting what i wrote in class)

nanowrimo: day 1

early this morning between the hours of 2am and 5am i was tossing and turning, halfway watching emeril teach people how to cook without garlic, cook non-red-meat-steaks and watching karma trackers.

i just couldn't sleep. not because of writing anxiety. nope i tend to worry about other things in the middle of the night. last night it was the sighting of the lil guys first forever tooth, breaking in behind his 5-year old baby tooth...that's been looking a little suspect to me for a week or so. its been spacing itself away from the others in the oddest way. no matter how many times a week i checked it for looseness...it never seemed ripe enough to fall.

so yeah...i was worrying about my son's dental health.

because of this...i woke up at 9 am...at least an hour and a half late...with a bit of vertigo...which i'm blaming on the two shots i got friday (flu & tdap[whooping cough + tetanus])...and with a very painful left arm...started to write. (tetanus shots hurt...like heck...for days)

day 1 went well. i continued on a chapter i started early last week and expanded saturday. i knew the chapter was just not working. it felt skeleton like...starved and waiting for flesh to make it fit.

the thing with this chapter(s) is that i jumped ahead. up until last week i had worked weeks...wait make that months...on the what i think is the beginning or first section of the novel. i have it set-up roughly in my mind as 3 sections...not because its the begining, middle, & end...but because its just the way i'm telling the story. for now. breaking it down in three parts.

i was getting worried, writing that beginning section for so long that i wouldn't know how to voice the other sections. one day i stared at the screen for an hour trying to find the right sentence for section two. well, maybe not an hour..but in writing "dog" years minutes feel like 30 minute stretches...so yeah it felt like forever that i was staring and nothing came out.

then i got a sentence. the thing was...it was a sentence for section 3. i just went with it. and ta-da...with a lot of writing around in circles (that according to my instructor and fellow classmates sound really well) the voice of section 3 started to flow like a nursing mother's let down. it felt good like that. the only sticking point...a lot of those pretty sentences will need to be cut.

i'll turn them into a poem...(that's what i'm telling myself to keep me going)

so that's it. day 1. wanna know how many words i wrote?

*i'm dancing in place though its making the vertigo return*

2,496!

yeap...and that is new words thank you. 710 words over my highest quota of 1,786 words a day.

what about quality you ask? with me being the toughest critic on myself i've ever seen...i'll say a strong B-/B

i'm thinking its not only enough to track how much i'm writing, but how well i'm writing too. and just know...i don't hand myself A's unless i make my own knees weak with artful sentences and word play. so don't think i'm going easy on myself. i'm not.

the great thing about what i wrote was that the plot/story went in a direction i wasn't neccesarily planning for it to go. i had it in the back of my mind...but didn't think it would happen...and didn't mind one way or another.

but...as other writer's will attest...a couple of characters just showed up...they literally just walked on to the page and i could see them clearly as day...they fit and they spoke loud, slowly, and clearly so i could "take notes."

i'm kinda so excited about them and the depth they bring to my mc (main character) that i'm sort of holding myself back right now. i wanna write some more. i wanna finish writing this scene. it's been playing in loop in my head since the lil lady and man woke up and told me they were hungry...and were going to go make themselves bagels if i took any longer.*

once i stepped away from my yellow word collector, i knew i wouldn't be back for hours. homeschooling rules the middle of my weekdays.

so here i am...writing a looong blog post instead. i could go back to writing the scene...but...i need to shower...and two episodes of dexter is waiting for me.

i'm thinking...i may take a nap...and try my hand at writing once everyone goes to sleep.

so....here is a run-down of day 1 stats:

word count: 2,496

words to go:

    to 50,000: 47,504

    to 23,909: 21,413

new pages written: 15.5

total pages written: 93.5

too bad i can't add these 775 words i've written so far to my word count. but, i'm starting to feel like doing some writing...any kind of writing is helpful as a whole.

writer's just write...no matter how many, no matter where...write!

writing luv,

ki

* a couple of weeks ago i gave the kids their first (you can cook this by yourself) cooking lesson - using the toaster. oh, i can't tell you how independent they feel and how much time it frees up for me in the morning (my writing time). though i now trust them to toast responsible. i do not trust them to split my precious blueberry and cininamon raisin bagels responsibly. i am on a serious bagel trip. in fact...guess what i'm eating for dinner tonight? 

so smart you all are! yes...bagel's with vegan cream cheese...yum. (i'm blaming my appetite on the vertigo)

post word count: 926

total day's word count: 3,410

month update. personal ad. & nanowrimo goals.

i know, i have not been kind to my blog during the month of october. it has been a month full of classes, writing, workshopping, reading, and you guessed it - more writing.

i'm taking 4 writing classes currently. yes. four. i could probably handle that alone and the blog, but add to that school schedule: homeschooling, volunteering, sistering, daughtering, and wifery duties (which have leaned towards more writing, but more on that later). it has been a busy, busy october month for me.

i've tried to sneak in a little art making, but, that too has puttered along and given way to writing. i've made progress on the doll...she's for the most part complete...but the rest of her...her story, her setting is not. sorry to you all and her for not finding the time to complete her. she's been patient though, waiting atop a pile of washed, and folded clothes that needs to be put away on my dresser, for me to give her a home. i hope it will happen soon, but i'm making her and me no promises.

have you ever taken creative writing classes? do you (creative) write? i'm knee deep into my 5th, 6th, 7th & 8th classes and man its a whole lot of things at once. you know what it makes me ask most? why don't i know any other writers? i have artist friends for days...creative, artistic, blow your mind blank visually creative friends, but wordly artistic friends? i have none. are you all hiding? from me? your writing? or is it i've just cultavated a group of friends staggering on visual genuis only?

could be.

anyway. i'm learning a lot in my classes this semester. i'm doing good, will probably get high marks in all of them (more a testament to my writing tenacity than to my ability - most upper-level writing teachers grade more on your quantity, or the fact that you are doing the work, than on skills. because let's face it - creative writing is an art, and who are we to judge someone's art).

three of my workshop classes include workshopping my work with a group, and it has gone interestingly well. my writing has been called literary (great what i love), my style has been appreciated (always good to know readers like reading your work), but...i've been told i tend to overwrite.

not a surprise.

i'm long-winded and i accept it.

i've learned that it is for the most part okay, as literary writing tends to lean in that direction...but,i'm going to need to trim, trim, trim, trim.

my instructor last week told me...the bad thing is its all good...that's going to be the hardest thing...trimming what is beautiful description, writing, metaphors, similies, etc.

another instructor (after reading 15 pages of my work) wrote: do you write poetry, plays? is that a hint ej, all pretty words but no point? yes i do write poetry, and i would love to write a play.

sigh, i already knew i'd have to wrangle with the cut and delete feature. i'm just waiting till the first draft is done to tangle with the scissors.

but that leads me to something. i need a writing friend. a buddy. a fellow writer/reader who is as in love with the written word as me, but has a little more balls when it comes time to getting to the point.i tend to take the long, tangent route, to explaining anything. my writing is everything short of plotting.

i need to pick up the pace, and plot. move the story along. i need a writing cohert...someone to help me (gently) get to the point,or better yet stay on the point.

i also just want somebody i can relate to...writing is a very solitary sport, but it is always great to have someone to share the mental exercise with.

so, i believe that the universe is always ready to provide, so i'm putting out an ad...in nothing other than the 'nets...

my ad:

i need a literary partner. someone who is interested in liteary writing, with a huge bent towards poetry, descriptions, metaphors and similies. a person who loves toni morrison, sandra cisneros, ntozoke shange, alice walker, and zora too.

someone who doesn't mind stories light on plot but heavy on sentences that just sound pretty and tell you more about character, setting, and time than who shot who, or why.

someone who thinks the ghetto can be beautiful and thinks that ordinary people show us the most about extraordinary living. someone who believes scars are sacred when healed, and should be displayed like holiday and seasonal flags hanging outside suburbian homes.

this partner should love to read...perhaps write too. and it would be most helpful if they loved music, and can hear the lyric quality of words tap-dancing across a page.

now, this someone should also be capable of "mean" of course, with love. the kind of mean that says, "ki you tripped...girl you know that don't sound write" (pun intended) that will smile and say, "girl, stop it...you can...you will...and you must... or I'm gonna..."

someone who will cheer me on, root for me, and help me dust off my knees when i fall.

i need someone who will jive with me, in a writerly way.

(note: any takers should not mind misspelled words, abusive use of commas, and sentences that are structurally sound but are the literary equivalent to skyscrapers)

any takers?

something else to share...i've joined nanowrimo and have officially signed up to participate. i know...a novel in a month. who dares to be that crazy? me and hopefully one or two of you who will be willing to take the challenge and sign on with me.

come on...it'll be fun.

my goals are not too lofty. (and yours need not be either) i just want to get a whole lot of writing done...on one large piece of work...in this upcoming month.

my goal is to write 50,000 new words for my novel. new fresh words. for the "contest" i'm only counting new words, so i will not be cheating. technically i think. the great thing is, no matter how many words i write...it will all be an addition to what i have so far. so failing doesn't exist.

here are my goals:

biggest? by nov. 30th have 76,091 words written on my novel. which means writing 50,000 new words.

smallest? by nov. 30th have 50,000 words written on my novel, which means i have to write at least 23,909 words

e has made me a (surprise) spreadsheet to track my progress...i have sections for each chapter, the number of pages and the number of words. i have a seperate spreadsheet that will just track my daily word output.

we figured i need to write:

1,786 words a day to reach 50,000 by nov. 30th (i'm leaving out 1 or 2 days for holidays and life to happen)

and,

854 words a day to reach 23,909 by nov. 30th.

in case your wondering, i'm guessing my complete manuscript will be about 100,000 words (many which i know will get cut) when the first draft is all said and done. which should be about 300 pages.

lots of pretty words huh?

the majority of the 26,000 words i've written so far have been done over the past month, so i know it is possible.

i want to use my blog to hold me accountable during the next month, so i'm going to try (my hardest as if my writing life depended on it) to update daily through the month of nov. my word count, how its going, challenges, successes, etc.

should be exciting and fun if i can just get a hold on my time.

okay...enought writing...as of this sentence, i've written 1281 words that could of gone towards my ms (manuscript). sigh.

off to watch dexter, season 3...than carve pumpkins, roast seeds, bake cupcakes and make some sort of creepy halloween dinner....

writing luv,

ki

1315 words.

 

 

do u read toni morrison?

i have a lot of back posting to catch up on, but somehow between the boiling heat of last week, and the heavy chill of today's clouds I've become lazy.

at least tonight. this second.

so i'll just jibber-jabber.

to be truthful i'm backed up in posting about life because i've been so busy running and living through it. i'm currently taking 3 writing classes, and will be most likely adding another within the next week. in addition to that, i'm volunteering on my off days...and homeschooling the kids has been ratched up.

but mostly, this second i want to share that i've fallen in love with toni morrison. real love. i find her writing to be so...challenging, in a good way. so deep and full of things i need to know and read. i really just can't explain it so well now.

but maybe it isn't just mrs. morrison, its reading and books again. like all the love i collected of reading and the written word has collected and spilled off my mind like an angry rain storm falling off a slanted tin roof. gushing it is this love. and loud with tink, tink, tinkering words and phrases.

i am sure it has to do with writing. of course it does. my writing. all the writing up of my soul i'm trying to do week in and week out.

wanting to be a better person has led to wanting to be a better writer, which has made me want to read better books. i literally have a stack of about 30 books around me, and i think i should admit i'm trying to read them all. at once. right now. and write. and study the craft.

i wish i could share with you all that i'm writing. i wish i could just sit here and talk on and on about the plot, the characters, the settings and descriptions...but i can't, and i think that's why i'm silent sometimes here. everywhere really.

i've found that i need to be more quiet. i have a whole 'nother world taking place in my mind and well its quite hard to not talk about it. sometimes i'm so deep into thinking about my characters, their lives, what's happening to them that i feel like a time-traveler...jumping back and forth from "reality."

i could be schooling the kids and i'll think about something someone needs to say or do. i can be showering or washing my hair and a description will fall out of my mouth and i have to scurry around the tub to catch it before it goes down the drain. i could be washing dishes or baking cornbread and i will see them sitting around having thanksgiving dinner, or maybe its christmas. i wake up and they are first on my mind. before i go to sleep i ask them to visit me in my dreams. last night it worked and i woke with an idea...about division..math division and how it could work in a scene.

i'm truly living with these characters, they plead with me to tell their stories and understand them...and i have accepted and obliged them...promising them that i will honor their voices, their stories.

i hope i am worthy. i do.

when i write i feel like the little girl i used to be, with the vocabulary to express everything I ever saw and dreamed of the world...and how it all felt inside...that i couldn't say out to the world. how pieces cut and others adorned. how somethings scratched me raw and others made the world smell sweet like orange blossoms. i was such a daydreamer, a hoper, a believer and a feeler.

i guess i'm just trying to set that little girl free...break the rubber bands on her ponytails, unsnap the barrettes and tell her, "go ahead swing those twists from side to side" and let it all fly out.

well...i hate to post without pictures...so i won't go on and on, even though i already have.

peace and love,

ki

so question?

do u read toni morrison? what is your favorite, where do i go from the bluest eye? i've got jazz next to me, and sula on the way, love on my night stand, beloved on my bookshelf (next to tar baby) and paradise on my kindle. its all so much...the desire to read, understand and digest her works all at once. where do i start?