a pieced and quilted life

herbalicious

 

can u guess the herbs?

if you lived by me...i'd be rolling up a bunch of these herbs...wrapping them in moist paper towels, putting them in little baggies and sending you home with them..

we have an abundance of herbs now...they are beautiful and fragrant...green and bright..and incredible pungent.

last night i took them into my yoga class (iyengar) to share with my instructor and another student and geez...i perfumed the class. i also took them a few tomatoes and some squash recipes. 

i should also tell you that i hurt myself in class last night. we were getting into shoulder stand pose (for the first time) and i couldn't quite find my balance or get my hips and legs up...and managed to really strain my left tri-cep. not fun. thankfully its just sore now.

so back to the herbs. 

 

drying herb bouquet

there is really a lot you can do with herbs...besides cooking. i actually, we have been making little herb arrangements. they smell so good and look so pretty and simple. 

that wilted one up there is from last week...the little guy was a little under the weather (not sure if it was hay fever or a teeny tiny summer cold) and so me and ya-ya decided to make him a little bouquet of all his favorite herbs...because yes...he loves herbs. crazily so.

 

 

 the kids were so inspired they took pictures with their camera.

i've really enjoy growing the herbs this season. i think i'm going to create another herb/flower garden by the rose bushes. i have some pineapple sage growing there and it has really taken off. our hummingbird friend (as the kids call the resident hummingbird) loves to come and draw nectar from the sage's tubular flowers.

i've also noticed a lot more bee, butterfly and bird activity in our garden since we added the herb and flower garden. we have this large yellow and black butterfly that seems to be twittering around everyday. (there's also more grasshoppers, wasp, and june bugs...sigh)

it's been really rewarding to grow the flowers and herbs this year. i thought i only wanted to grow edible things (i know herbs are edible too) but found that there is a lot of pleasure in growing flowers two. if my budget allowed it my garden would literally explode with color and life every season.

i'm hoping within the next few seasons to add a few fruit trees, some fragrant flowers, bulbs and a rock garden for the kids. they love collecting rocks they dig up from the garden and find in other places so i think i'll introduce them to rock stacking and balancing. i have a friend lila who does it and man...the things she's created are beautiful. she's suppose to teach me and the kids...but she moved to l.a. so she's not as close as she used to be. :(

 

tomatoes & squashes...

and finally...are garden is doing fairly well in this heat. we've had some high heat hit us all of a sudden..and my plants took a beating. it went from overcast all day to over 105˚ in a matter of days. i've had to seriously prune back some of the leaves of my squash plants that didn't do to well. in fact some of them actually died, so i may replace them this weekend. i'm still waiting for my brussels sprouts to fully mature, along with my melons..and the corn has gotten a rough shake this year with a few corn worms.

other than that all is well in my gardening world...

oh and...i took a canning & preserving class tues. night...and ummm...i'm still not sure i'm ready for the big leap into canning. it was interesting though...the class was great if your a foodie...there was lots of samples of food going around...most of which i couldn't try. nothing was vegan or even vegetarian for that matter...well except for the chips and salsa (which was too hot for me). but, all in all it was great to be there and see a "live" cooking show..and pick up a few canning tricks.

while i was there i put on my writer's hat, had my writing notebook and came up with a good story start..as my instructor's call it. its amazing how different the world looks when you look at it through the eyes of a "fiction" writer. that...was awesome...being there as a "writer" and looking for stories. not my original intention...but good none the less.

alright...i'm babbling...

be peace, ki

untitled: thoughts, art, spirituality & decisions..

i truly believe that there is nothing better for me than living a creative life, consistently.

i've been working in my studio...religiously...and i say religiously intentionally as i believe that creating is a spiritual..there fore religious act.

to |krēˈāt|is to bring something into existence * to cause (something) to happen as a result of one's actions

art is my religion.

i've had to think long and steady about my life and decisions i'm making the last couple of days, weeks. i've had to make a decision on whether to pursue finishing school like i've been, or to step back and make adjustments in my life.

i've chosen to take a break.

school has prevented me from living my life...my creative life..and i believe i've only been a partial shell of myself the past 10 months.

i want to be all of me.

once i got still and settled in on this thought...accepted it and moved on...however timidly...a well of inspiration welled up inside of me. and i've been working feverishly and contently... however great, i still wasn't sure what to choose.

i shared this with my mother yesterday morning and she said:

"sweetie, maybe this is God's way of telling you how to proceed"

all i can do is listen.

to both of them.

i don't know how long of a break i'll be taking...(i've got all of 4 classes left) but i'm going to listen to what my hearts telling me...until it ceases to speak...or my angle's choose something else for me.

i'm grateful for the people in my life who've told me to follow my he(art).

i'm thankful...

paz, ki

the purpose of creative work...art

i begin this morning...with one simple question:

if you were the only person on this earth, what would you do?

would you sing? would you dance on the nearest theater stage? would you go into your garage, dig out your old typewriter and start pounding away on your first book? would you find the closest pottery studio, and begin sculpting? would you paint? would you cook or bake?

what would you do?

if there was no one else but you...where would you find yourself?

honestly? truthfully, and whole-heartedly...where would you find contentment and truth while alone.

my answer?

i would head straight to my studio and paint. nothing else but paint...when my arms grew tired...i'd write. i'd write about the loves of my live with honesty, brashness and passion. i would write about my soul and the depths of it i've reached...and those corners i'm still too afraid to approach. then, i'd create those words all over again in paint.

my only breaks would find me wondering the streets for bookstores...to read the words of those before me who've poured their souls out. our walking out to my backyard to work the earth...planting my food. i'd bake for nourishment...i'd bake myself something to eat...only when i could pry myself from the easel and brush...when my bones weren't too sore from working the earth...

i'd cry. i'd laugh....and i'd create my beautiful children, husband and family over and over again in paint...i'd paint them on the walls...i'd stuff their clothes into scarecrows...and sculpt their faces in clay. i'd hug them and love them...gather up their souls and smells from the clothes they left...the joy of my children left in their toys...

...the spirit of my daughter left in her beloved "elephant" that she sleeps with every night. 

...the warm love and compassion of my son in his "blankies" and stuffed pets that he totes around

...the strength and dedication of my husband, embodied in his shoes...those he stands in day after day...as he goes to work...thinking nothing of himself, but only of providing for and caring for his family...

i'd travel hours on foot to l.a.

once at my mother's home...i'd pick up every piece of strength she left around...the colors of her life, the lesson...the losses...the love...

 

i'd find myself at my grandmother's home...i'd languish in the small house where she's raised, nurtured and strengthened a family...for half a century...i'd study her clean house...and finger her pressed sheets and pillowcases...feeling years and years of love and dedication between my fingers...

after consuming all i could...i'd get to the top of the nearest mountain.

whether it be dirt and water...grass glued to a stray piece of wood or bark...however, i'd paint the reality of my life...

i'd paint the reality of my life....in words...in colors...in textures, in shapes....in symbols...in curse words, in love...

i'd paint the reality of my life.

if i am meant to create...if all artist are meant to create, scientist to cure...doctor's to aid...teacher's to teach....

if this is our life's purpose...or gift from God that we and only we were destined to do (that which is our path)...

and we don't.

we don't do that which we know we were meant to do...

we are not only damaging ourselves...we are damaging our families...our children, each other, the world...humanity...we are slapping our God in the face...we are spitting on our angels who seek to guide us, and - we are damming ourselves.

I'll leave you with a most poignant quote, which i got from the wonderful book that awakened me to the war and purpose of art:

"creative work is not a selfish act or a bid for attention on the part of the actor. it's a gift to the world and every being in it. don't cheat us of your contribution. give us what you've got."

-steven pressfield, the war of art

i will quit cheating. i hope you will to.

paz....kiandra

growth and space

so its been a while...
but, i'm here.

i took some time for myself, my family...self discoveries & lessons..but mostly...

growth and space.

its amazing how much space can create growth...or growth can provide space. i'm never really one for being at a lost for words...but i found myself in a place where there were no words...simply because there wasn't much need for words, descriptions, thoughts...etc. there was a need for space, for stillness...to facilitate inner growth.

i feel amazing.
i feel thankful...grateful.
i feel alive.
i feel happiness.
i feel still.
i feel peace.

i've gained such a new understanding....awareness of life that in the midst of crying, of grief...i found gratitude, happiness...peace.

loss allowed me to gain the world...because with loss i found peace, i found happiness...gratitude.

a walk at dusk...

one particular night i went for a walk...i walked around our lake...found a tree and sat. yes...i cried, i cried my eyes out. i cried for a while, but when i lifted my head, and looked around i felt the support of the universe. the tree was my confident, it allowed me to sit and lean against it. i looked out and saw the mountains...and they became a lesson in strength and persevering...just as they remained despite the many storms they've endured...i saw myself persevering. i looked out into the vastness of the sky and i saw and experienced the infinity of life...the ever changing-ness of life...the impermanence. and with that it clicked. "this too shall pass," the every fleeting reality of life. the notion, the belief the very idea of "now" became understandable to me. and i begun to look around in awe. the more i looked out at nature and what was around me, the more peace i found...the more happiness i found in every second i sat there even with my sorrow...and with that i found gratitude.

red rocks that i'm sure used to be apart of the mountain above.

so the more i walked...sat...the more i discovered, about myself...life and the space around me. i stumbled upon these rocks and instantly it was like a mirror was placed in front of me. the nuances in their color reminded me of my skin, their texture reminded me of my life...their cracks of the work i love to do...piecing and quilting...their form of the bread i find peace in making...but, the weight of their presence...their stillness...there being-ness...there existence which has obviously evolved from the strongest mountain reminded me of my presence...my perseverance...my evolution from the strongest mountains around me.

i saw me.

now.

so today...now. i am filled with gratitude, happiness...peace. the space that i carved out inside, i've been carving out around me. i cleaned out my sewing space...i threw away all my old scraps (about 8 large trash bags full). i threw away fabric that served me no purpose. i got rid of all the old baggage i've accumulated over the past 5 years...this included some pieces of art. the earth conscious me wanted to donate or not put the fabrics, etc. in the trash. but deep down i knew that i needed to rid my life of all the "stuff" and holding on and waiting till i could find a new home for them wasn't an option.

my space is now clear. my mind is clear.

i no longer know what direction or path i'm on. i don't label myself with the notion of "artist" anymore, and i've lost the desire to "make art" for "show." i've canceled my upcoming solo show...as i'm truly flying (soul)o now.

i am truly happy now...i find so much life and living in allowing things to unfold around me now...instead of trying to "create" a future.

who knows what or where i go from here...but what i do know is that what ever i do...all that i've done since...has been from my soul.

my life is now a (soul)o show!! one that is unfolding every moment...

blissfully peaceful...

paz,
kiandra

empty.

margaret and michael johnson

sometime around four am, after being unable to sleep a rush of emotions flooded me and i began to cry profusely, unable to stop i woke up e as i was afraid i was having a panic attack (something i've never had) as i was unable to breath or control the sobbing or move beyond this place of immediate and intense sudden rush of loss and grief. he tried to console me as best as he could, but the sobbing kept coming...i don't know how long it lasted...though last i looked at the clock it was around 5 am.

eventually i fell asleep.

i awoke with puffy eyelids, a dry face streaked with white lines of salty tears.

8:03am...printing class. i need to get up...get ready. but, i don't feel right...something doesn't feel right. i need to go see my grandmother.

8:12..i'm dressed...i need to call my cousin, i'm not feeling right. i call. no answer. i call again. no answer. i need to go see her today.

8:15...i call the hospice.

"your grandmother passed away at 7....." everything after this point is a blur.

when e comes in to comfort me all i could say is that's why...that's why i was crying so hard. i must of felt her leaving.

i cried to my brother. i felt so sick. nothing can explain the tremendous feeling of loss and emptiness that permeated me. with her died another piece of my father. the biggest piece of him i still had to hold on to.

i feel incredibly empty.

i wish i could delve in deep, reach all that lies within me that is inexplicable, empty...shallow...hurt and create a picture, a word...a sentence...something, something to place an understanding, an expression of how i feel.

i hate to be the one to say that no one understands me, no one knows that which i'm feeling or experiencing because i believe...i truly believe that the human condition is universal. we all know suffering. we all know grief. we all know loss. yet i feel so terribly alone. i feel no one really knows what i'm feeling...beside mykey....besides my brother who experienced the exact same things as me...who knows so much...of what i'm feeling.

i'm not really up for much of anything. i can't bake...draw...print...sew. there's really nothing in me at this moment driving me to do anything besides be alone with my thoughts. and be present with what i'm feeling.

so i'm embracing this place that i am in right now. i know i'm not much company...or much fun to talk to today...but this is the place of my heart right now. i'm accepting it.

she knows i love her.
she's with my father after 26 years.
she's with my grandfather after exactly 11 months.
shes out of pain. no more suffering.

there is peace in my heart along with grief.

i can still reach my peace.

paz,
quejohnson

a quote

"don't ask what the world needs. ask what makes you come alive and go do it. because what the world needs is people who have come alive." -howard thurman

i heard this quote on oprah & friends, after the class; and i wanted to share it with you all.

the more the days pass, the more "life" i live, the more present moments i spend, the more i experience my children, my art, my husband, myself, the more i grow, the more i suffer...

the more i understand the sentiments of this quote...

i've been inspired for a while to seek out my "presence" in living, in doing...in Being. this quote is a gentle reminder for me to hold on to, repeat when i need it...to keep inline with my true purpose.

i truly feel that life is not about garnering "things," "roles," "beliefs," etc...but to gain presence...to become the "space of Being" as eckhart toile says.

the more i "accept" or better yet understand this fact (for me) about life...the more happy i am, the more "living" and "Being" i experience.

this is why recently, i've further dived into "baking" and am starting to bring the experience of bread baking into my life...because like quilting, writing, and creating art...i feel a profound sense of presence when i am baking.

with these activities i am truly in the moment, i am Being...not thinking about the past, or future, but am present with the activity of creating, baking, etc.

what is it that makes you come alive?

when are the moments that you are Being, present, in the moment...not reliving the past...not pre-living the future...but living in the present moment, the present act that you are doing?

take the time to explore this...it will bring great stillness and peace to your life.

when we really think about life...what truly is it about? to be alive i say, to come alive...to experience life. it isn't to please so & so, to get this or that...because those things are outside of us, those things are ever fleating and changing. but what is, is our aliveness...and that which promotes aliveness within us.

this is what sustains us.

find your peace, your aliveness...and be it, do it, become an extension of it...

paz...
ki

finding strength...

it's not really easy for me to talk about this, but perhaps that's why i need to keep this record of my thoughts.

we have been going through a very rough three days. i have one little one who has been sick pretty much constantly (read previous post to find out) and then this evening e got a bit sick also.

tonight...today, this evening i've been struggling with my perceived inadequateness of taking care of my family. i say perceived because despite being on the verge of tears, feeling weak in my strength, worrying myself beyond what is probably acceptable or normal and constantly voicing my fears and doubts i have taken care of my sick child and now my sick husband.

but it was terribly hard. not because of lack of love or lack of wanting to, but because i have my own fears about this particular type of sickness. like i said in the last post, this is the one thing as a parent that i dreaded and feared. when the little guy broke his collar bone a week after turning 2, i was "fine" i was able to deal with it, after the initial shock and the ride in the ambulance. once he fell asleep in the ambulance and when we got to the hospital i was fine, strong as a rock...i accompanied him through the x-rays, the whole ordeal. whenever they get colds, or scraps on the knees or feel sad, whatever i'm there i can handle it without a problem. but this, this is where i fall weak. and i am beating myself up about it. i feel like a bad mother for feeling scared and being fearful and feeling weak.

i know the last few days i've put my sister nina's patience to the test, and i've rattled the nerves of e with my worries. that is what i don't want to do, but how do i hold it all in?

tonight, my aunt called me to check on us...and i updated her. she spent a few hours talking to me, sharing with me her wisdom (after over 15 years of running a daycare in her home) and her strength and that really lifted my spirits. i was able to voice my worries and fears (which she already knew) and she gently explained to me how to find my strength and how i was doing fine...and that it really would get better. too bad she lives in l.a. she told me she wished we were closer cause she would just take yali for us and nurse her back to health so we could rest. i know she would cause she did it for me when i was little when my mom had to work, along with my grandma. the comfort in knowing that type of love exists for us gave me strength. just the thought warmed my heart and spirit enough to sustain me. by the way its my cousin tasha's mother whom i'm talking about...my mother's only sister. the only aunt i grew up with and knew.

its funny because i find myself sitting here, typing this knowing that it is a letter to myself, a memoir for myself of how i know i can find strength in myself despite any obstacle. some say if you can't handle vomiting, how can you handle the harder issues in life like cancer, death, serious things...but i can...i have, during those times it is easy for me to be the strength for those i love...this is just my own personal obstacle, hurdle or rough patch to get over.

and, i have found my strength...even amongst the worrying, the near tears, the anxiety and despair. i have found my strength. just in the few minutes i've been typing this i've had to rush with her to the bathroom, along with e (who refuses to rest despite him becoming sick too) and hold her hair and rub her back and re-assure her that it was okay. i've been up and down constantly with my little man trying to get him to settle down and go to sleep, and i've been trying to keep tabs on e, and make him rest. i've found strength.

i look at my hands and they are so dry and cracked from all the hand-washing and sanitizing i've been doing with bleach, etc. cleaning up...this is something i can do, and that i can do well. i'm thankful it has not gone unnoticed the little guy told me i was "the bestest mommie cause i cleaned up the bathroom so good," and e thanked me for cleaning up and also for allowing him to rest...i told him i only wish he would rest more. i told him i could be strong for him, and not to worry about me...i can take care of him and the kids. but he's having none of it...

that is why he is my rock, because i find the strength in him inspiring and strengthening. his strength makes me stronger...for them and also for myself. i wonder if this is wrong, a wrong way of going about life, but then i realize its not because it is simply a form of the deep love and connection that we have for each other. it is our way of carrying each other and letting each other have our weak points when the other is strong.

i refuse to question it any further.

before i end this...and get to finishing up one of the three homework assignments i have to complete (nearly the last) i want to end on a good note...

despite it all i am so grateful and happy to have:

• beautiful healthy kids
• a strong,nurturing and supportive husband
• a wonderful sister
• a wonderful, supportive family
• my own inner strength
• health insurance
• a home of our own
• spell check (cause as late as it is and as tired as i am...i'm spelling everything wrong)
• my art, my passion
• the book "a new earth"
• a podcast of the first class...waiting for me to sync with my i-pod (and my i-pod for that matter)
• my spirituality
• my friends (two of whom let me know that there is a banana allergy that she is having...i'll explain later)

• and to be in this show at the metropolitan museum, and to be a "featured artist" even though i may have to miss the reception because of the outbreak of sickness around her. i'm a bit disappointed, but i know i will have many other big shows in the future so i am not attaching myself to this one show...i make art because i love to...period.

well, its 1:47 am and i still have a homework assignment and a few quizzes and an exam to complete...and i have to be at the dr. with the little lady at 8:30 am.

i am grateful and happy to have come this far in finding my strength.

smiling...and ready to "do the darn thing"....

paz,

ki

note: if you've read this far :0 i just wanted to mention that my goal is to post everyday during the month of march...or darn close as i can get it. technically i started this post wed. evening so i think its okay ;)

oprah's class...a new earth...a new now...

me and nina are so ready for class! we've been waiting and reading for the past month in anticipation of today.

i must tell you, this book is truly life transforming. within the first few pages of reading the book i felt a shift in my thinking. i truly, truly feel that this book is life changing in the most purest, honest and life-affirming way...if you are ready and open for it. i finished my book this morning and felt so alive and anew with purpose and understanding of life's purpose for me. i never thought i'd say this about a book...but, i can't wait to start reading it again. i have so many jewels of information underlined and starred in my copy...so many aha! moments noted.

i find that a new earth, is a book you will find yourself reading, and re-reading and each time you'll discover another atom of truth, another bit of awakening.

this is not a book about religion, it will not interfere with what you hold to be your religious truths, it will only deepen your resolve in spirituality. this is a book about spirituality and not necessarily religion, it is including of all religions and schools of spirituality.

get your copy and sign up for class...if you can't attend class...get alternative versions of the class on oprah.com and itunes where the transcripts in a myriad of forms will be available. and if your like me and had lots of issues viewing it live...these transcripts will come in handy...i can't wait to really watch it! join me and nina...and the rest of the world...

let's create a new earth together!

paz,
ki

i'm so happy

i just want to say that i am so happy that i sat down here and got a post together...it feels good to get my thoughts together and place them here...i really need to get back on my blogging gig...if i was an employee i would be fired...if i was a girlfriend...i would be dumped...if i was a store...i'd be closed...if i was a business..........

wait...

i am a business.

and i am not bankrupt!!!!

at least i hope not ...

let's just say...get back to blogging ki!!!!!!!!

i also want to use this space to just send a huge amount of gratitude out into the universe and to the big guy upstairs...

this past saturday, was the one year anniversary of my suegra (mother-in-law) having her surgery to remove breast cancer. soon, in jaunuary it will be the anniversary of her starting chemo.

i was speaking to her last night and we, together, were saying how happy we are that she got through this, and how grateful we are for eachother, and our families...she went on to tell me how happy she is to have me as her daughter in law, and how much it meant for her that i helped her soo much, with finding out all i could and educating the family on breast cancer...because she knew nothing, nothing at all, heck she doesn't even speak english.

but we got through it together.

and i told her i loved her like i love my mother, because just like my mother gave me life, she gave my most wonderful gift in life, my husband life...and besides that she is one...(excuse my french) kick-ass woman.

she never complained, never cried, never said "why me," never questioned God...she just took it all and made us all laugh with her and at her as she took it.

she was scared to loose her hair, but once it happened and we went to go look at wigs, she had me and the wig lady laughing to the point of tears.

she was scared about being sick, yet when she got sick, she got through it, did everything she was instructed to do by the doctors, and never complained.

when she had good days, that week of not being ill, and throwing-up nothing...she gardened, she stayed happy, she stayed positive and kept us laughing.

i am so proud to be in the company of such beautiful and wonderful women, her, my mother, my grandmother...such beautiful, wonderful, strong women...

and i am sooo happy.

happy to be their daughter, grand-daughter, friend...

sadly though, saturday is also the day that my cousin, who is like my sister called me to tell me her father, who was recently diagnosed with advanced stage 4 breast cancer was not doing so good. his treatment is going to be stopped and he will be made comfortable for his remaining days. he is a young man, only in his 50's.

and to be honest this scares me for my cousins, whom i love as sisters, there father, his mother and his father have all been diagnosed with extremely aggressive cancers. in fact, her grandmother just passed away from a rare bone cancer a few years ago, and now her father.

i am going to stay on my cousins (the girls as we call them, my aunt had 3 girls) to get checked yearly, starting now. even though they are young...there is a strong family link to cancer...and the only way to fight it, to beat it, is to catch it early. so i will be their yearly mammagram reminder, just like i am for my mother...

i hate cancer.

i do.

i hate cancer. and i know that hate is a strong word, in fact, i believe that you can only hate what you have once loved...in this case, its my loved ones...that cancer effects...which is why i hate it. i hate to see people suffer, people i love, people i don't know, but love because they are humans, even animals that are afflicted with cancer.

one day, i will do something, something to help further the fight. but until then, in my own little way, i will be the yearly mammogram reminder for the women i love and cherish, and i will stay on the men i love to take care of themselves too.

so if you are a woman, and are reading this...i love you too...if you are of age, or have a strong family history of cancer...go get your yearly exam if you have not done so yet. if there is a woman in your life who fits the discription, or a man in your life...go tell them to get their exams.

lets save lives.

despite it all...i am still so happy...why?

because life is here for us to live it now...no matter if your last day is today, or sixty years from now...there is still a lot of life to be lived...in every second.

love
&
live

and for me and other artist

create.

be happy people...really be happy, and tell your loved ones you love them...because you never know what road your life will be heading down in a year, a month or even a day.

please keep my cousin, her family and father in your thoughts and prayers...

off being happy....

paz,

kiki

what a busy busy busy bee..i've been

is that enough b's for you?

it's been a few days since i've checked in...i know i'm getting dust bunnies on this blog in addition to around my house.

honestly, its been a bit hectic around here lately. not in a bad way, but a good way. lots of things going on.

"you've got to many irons in the fire ki" -grandma (my newly turned 75 years wonderful grandmother)

want a tally?

wrote a song 'bout it...like to here it?...here it goes.."

-yoga
-daily meditations (2-3 sessions daily...of at least 20 minutes...sometimes 60...when i'm lucky)
-two college classes
-two art shows (nov. and dec.-a 50 piece show)
-an 8 page paper due mid dec.
-a birthday party
-learning how to do new things like printing...etching in particular
-a new business venture w/ my boyfriend/baby's daddy/husband/roughneck <---that was his response. (more about this in a minute)

so let's see...i've been going strong with my yoga practice, and am looking to start doing kundalini yoga. i thought it was going to be today, but my power went out for the second time in twelve hours...and yeah...i lost track of time with no clock.

my meditation is going really well...i've found that meditating between 2:30-4:00 am is really wonderful. its suppose to be a "special" time...i can't give you the right term for it, but there is a significance to this time. i didn't know this, it just started happening.

school classes are going good, i'm learning a lot.

as for the art shows....whoa...i gotta get on the ball...me and e have been nurturing our new baby so art has been taking a backseat...well sort of. more about that in a minute.

research paper...looking forward to it...i think

the birthday party...? i stayed up to 1:30am baking my newly turned 3 year old cupcakes...i baked 60 cupcakes in 5 different flavors, and the next morning finish making 3 of the 5 different icings...e made 2 after i finished baking them at 1:30. the verdict...my carniverous family...could not believe they were vegan...they loved them! the flavors?

mint chocolate
chocolate
cookies and cream
lemon
vanilla

the favorites...all of them!

sadly my mom got sick...food poisoning from a burger at a fast food joint from the morning, and side effects from the flu shot the day before...they all hit her that night...poor lady. she most sad about not having her favorite cupcakes.

we hung out with my big brother later that night...learning about his salt water fish tank....i took some pretty good pictures...i'll share soon.

we were on our way back at 12:00 am and little did we know we would be in a horrible wind storm...it sucked. i made e get off the freeway, and we went the street way...when i saw a piece of the overpass sign on the road. that was early sunday morning...the day the fires started.

speaking of the fires...the air quality is so bad, my husband's job sent all district employees home for the week pretty much, with pay...and shut down all the schools. do you know how many people that is? the district has well over 60 schools. so i had my boyfriend more than usual this week. yeah for good employers!

printings...etchings...jorge taught me...and i'm going to be doing some glass etchings for one of the upcoming shows...i think its going to go well.

okay...

the new venture:

after eight years of marriage i have finally managed to marry my artistic skills with a skill of e's.

hip hip hooray..or pooray as the little boy says.

we are working together, designing a new purse that i dreamed up at 2:30 in the morning. it will incorporate hand carved/crafted wood and fabric of course...but nice fabric...higher end fabric.

i have invested a lot in this new venture...i really believe in it...i've bought four new power tools in the past week...just to make it work...this didn't include my already existing tools:

miter saw
circular saw
router
drill

what's been addded?

scroll saw
jigsaw
dremel
back-up dremel
router table

we have been fine tuning our product...and man its so good working with him...its been really fun.

in addition...i spent a whopping amount of money on fabric...i really wanted to pass out when i got the total...the most i've spent on fabric at once...easily...but hey you got invest in yourself and your dreams right?

and, i've finally got e to take a look at etsy. he was impressed...so we are going to make a go of it and try and have a honest shop for the holidays.

okay...i am blubbering on and on...

i'm hoping to post some pictures in a day or two so stay tuned.

off to go play with wood...

paz,
que