*click to enlarge
I did a very brave thing this past week: I deactivated my facebook account. Let me tell you how good it feels--eating dark chocolate covered almonds with cold vanilla almond milk after a weekend of finishing off homework that consisted of: 400+ pages of reading and writing two essays--good.
The very picture of focus. Color me proud.
I should insert that I am not eating dark chocolate covered almonds with cold vanilla almond milk and that I only read 300 of my 400 pages this week, but the line about the essays is true indeed. I should be fine dining now as I've wasted lots of calories sitting in the same place from Friday night to tonight--reading.
But this is not a post about my insane amount of homework, nay*, it is a post about my willingness to rebel against social media and void myself from the grammar hell and wicked life that is facebook.
Now that I think about it, I take offense that "book" is a part of the name of the very thing that keeps me from reading "books."
I'll pump my brakes here. My goal is not to bash fb, but instead to share how the past 4 days pfb (post facebook) have been productive, and great.
I realized that there were only 3 reasons why I kept a fb account: nosey, bored, and an aid to procrastinate.
Most times I was just being nosey about folks' lives because I was either bored, or procrastinating.
It's funny, I haven't set about creating a New Year's Resolution (untypical), but I have been highly reflective of my life since the new year slipped in (typical).
I want to spend more time writing, quilting, reading, painting, baking, and gardening. I've spent a lot of time reflecting on why I didn't do these things and I kept coming back to time. School has been the cookie monster of my life and free time is the chocolate chip cookie he's after.
I honestly can't begin to relate how busy life is while pursuing a higher education degree, while homeschooling two kids and having a husband, who maintains a full and demanding job, and pursuing an even higher education degree. Let me say it again, "What were we thinking?"
Never mind, don't answer. We'll both be done this year. This year. This year. This year.
I need to remind myself of the "this year" part. I packed my summer schedule to include six! classes so that "this year" will happen, for both of us.
So what have I done pfb?
I started a gratitude journal.
I started curating articles on readitlater to read in my (non-existent) free time.
I started planning an ongoing art project that involves a vision board.
I got a lot of homework done.
I spent some quality time with E.
I decided to be a part of an upcoming art show. (Yikes!)
I brainstormed some short story ideas.
Not a lot, I know, but it's only been a few days. I think more important is that I don't find myself yelling obscenities at my laptop at people whose faces I don't remember, but names I do...or faces I remember and names I don't...or who I don't remember at all.
The truth is I found that I didn't really care about most (let's say 90%) of the people I was "friends" with. (I know that sounds mean, but I'm playing the honesty card--cut me some slack.) The few that I care about, I really care about and I'd much rather cultivate "real" relationships with them where we truly connect and not read passing updates of each other's lives. How sad is it that phone calls don't happen anymore? Or letters are not mailed? Or friends don't get together over coffee or tea, but rather fb updates?
I want real friendships.
Well, partly. I'm a recluse after being married to a wonderful, friendly, kind, anti-social man for the past 12.5 years. E's made me a hermit, but sadly, I have not made him out-going--outside of me and the kids. To us, he's the life of the party, but to everyone else, he's the un-blooming wall flower.
So there. Enough time spent writing on unfriendliness and antisocialness.
I am finding myself in a happy, introspective, learning-center place. I told E yesterday, "I have grandiose dreams and aspirations that feel bigger than my little body."
So here is to finding hidden spaces within the crevices, crooks, joints, bends, and marrow spaces of this itty-bitty body of mine. Space where all of these grandiose dreams and aspirations can find soil and nourishment to live.
Here is to me writing, quilting, painting, gardening, baking, and reading up a storm.
The rebellious nerd,
Ki
*I am reading TONS of old literature...notice how it is bleeding into my writing voice, my diction.
