I always wonder how my kids will define me. Will I be the mother who baked enough, taught enough, hugged enough, encouraged enough. I wonder who I am to them. Outside of Mami. How do they define me. How will I define their lives.
I have such reverance for my role as mother in their lives. I respect that my daily decisions, my actions will largely shape and define their lives.
I wonder who I am to them. I asked them how they would describe their mother and this is what they said:
nice, funny, always cold, good cook, good baker, writer and reader, a schooler, teacher, knows a lot of words, likes the indices of books, likes dictionaries, looks pretty, a good quilter, a person who likes eating chips, likes her bed, didn't like reading Shakespeare, likes her pet bird Charlie, likes art, knows how to draw, is a good tutor, likes flowers and teddy bears, short, "a little mami."
What do you think about Mami going to school?
Cool and good
What do you think about Mami always doing homework?
Mad and sad because we don't watch Family Game night like we used to. (Not totally true.)
I asked--they answered. As I continue on this road of education I know that I must constantly remember that they are traveling with me, along with E. It really is us four doing this. I may write the papers, and read the books, but the three of them help me, lend me to my studies--if you will.
I hope that in six-seven years, when all of this is done, they will know that they did it with me. I hope that they will say one day, "Mami was in school, but she always baked for us and taught us important things like quilting, painting, gardening, writing...and how to be silly, dance, and make weird faces." I hope they will remember the many hours I bake for them, in addition to the many hours I study. I hope that they will follow their dreams (currently: she wants to be a writer/journalist and he wants to be a food scientist) because they saw me follow mine. I hope my daughter will see that she can be in intellect, a professonal, a scholar--and a sahm who bakes, quilts, gardens, and homeschool. I hope that if my son so chooses, he will be a sahd too. I hope that they will honor their true selves--however they evolve.
I hope a lot.