Please indulge me. Please don't judge me. I am self promoting and I will tell you why:
Go here to help me open shop!
Random reasons why I need something else to do besides homework:
1. I am seriously avoiding writing a paper on 18th Century British Lit.
2. Self promotion reminds me that I do believe in myself and there is nothing wrong with asking others to support me.
3. I am very tired of school, and look for anything to avert my attention these days.
4. I am not really "living," I am surviving to complete homework. When I take my camera out, if only for a few mintues...I live.
5. At the end of the day I measure success by how much homework I've completed.
6. I am thinking about asking for a really cool, new, camera for a graduation present. I want a new digital Slr and an Instant camera. Having a "gallery" will raise my photography-cred with E.
7. I daydream more about graduating than about reading great literature. I.E., I'm burnt out.
8. I am seriously addicted to instagram.
9. Some days I doubt my decision to go back to school.
10. Most days I am happy about my decision to go back to school.
11. My classmate turned friend told me today that "writing and literature" describes me. It was the best thing I've heard this month. It was the most honest thing I've heard in a while and it made me believe in myself a little more.
12. Sunday night I cried myself to sleep because it was 2 am, I was exchausted from homework, I was doubting my ability to write, and E would not wake up to talk something sensible into me.
13. I felt very alone during #12 and wished I could call my mother to "toughen me up." She makes me tough when I am weak with South Central street talk.
14. I have more zucchini growing in my garden than we can eat. The thought of cooking all of it overwhelms and inspires me.
15. I am applying to MFA Creative Writing programs and that makes me very scared. Taking pictures makes me forget that I am scared.
16. My son now paints more than me, my daughter crafts more than me, my E cooks more than me, my bird sings and dances more than me. I've lost my mojo.
17. My happiness is complex, but my gratitude comes easy.
18. I cry a lot, but it is only because I believe in myself so strongly.
19. I daydream of who I used to be when the kids were babies and my decisions were less heavy, but I feel immense gratitude for who I am today.
20. My mother and I have truly become best friends. I really ♥ her, but most importantly she tells me often that she loves the woman I have become. That makes me think this life I'm trying to live is worth it and then I karate-kick self doubt in the make-believe air.
There...because of all of those reasons I should open up shop. If nothing else, it will make delaying boring paper writing more productive.
P.S. Don't lists rock? I'm thinking...I wish I could a list for everything!